I'm so fucking done living on this hate fueled planet. You just have to hate something, and me?, I hate myself! I hate my voice, my face, my hair, my everything! Why couldn't I just be normal or not exist at all. most of all I hate my identitie
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It's not fair that other people get to live life so carefree while I'm sitting over here a broken mess trying to put the pieces of my life back together after they were shattered by people I used to love. It's not fair that I have so many more "challenges" that I didn't get a choice to not have
I'm not the only one that hates me, colleagues hate me, family hate me, the government hates me. Most don't want me to exist, so I feel justified when I don't want to exist. Why should I want to exist, I'm broken beaten bruised and scared. My trauma clings to me like a cancer, driving me to death.
Took a break before writing more
I'm just so tired, tired of existing, especially in a world that treats me like garbage, so I treat myself like garbage, but people look down on me like I'm not enough. Like I'm worth less than other people because I treat myself like that
And Idk what to do anymore
Pain is desirable when the physical pain distracts me from my mental anguish. Hurting myself is a way to cope with all of my trauma, a sort of release of pressure that's been built over time. But I don't just self harm randomly it happens after my trauma has been brought to the surface by a catalyst
Maybe I should just expect that I'm "broken" A collection of problems that might never be solved. I am a genderqueer neurodivergent depressed anxiety filled traumatized hypersexual individual. I am a broken individual. And that brokenness makes me who I am.
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I'm just so tired, tired of existing, especially in a world that treats me like garbage, so I treat myself like garbage, but people look down on me like I'm not enough. Like I'm worth less than other people because I treat myself like that
And Idk what to do anymore