My experience is this: the dynamic gets better when the warmth level increases. This does not mean lack of conflict, but it does mean opportunities for trust and vulnerability improve—and both trust and vulnerability are needed both to take criticism and to usefully express it. - ThreadSky

goddessblade.bsky.social • 23 hours ago

My experience is this: the dynamic gets better when the warmth level increases. This does not mean lack of conflict, but it does mean opportunities for trust and vulnerability improve—and both trust and vulnerability are needed both to take criticism and to usefully express it.

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goddessblade.bsky.social•23 hours ago

The long and short is: if you want to feel heard and seen in a relationship—whether it's a relationship with a person or with a group—there needs to be some warmth. Some compassion. There needs to be incentive for the other people in the relationship to consider your needs and not just their own.

goddessblade.bsky.social•23 hours ago

The colder environments get, the more everyone is motivated to close off their empathy, stop being generous, stop listening, and wall up around their own needs. It makes people tight, fearful, paranoid, and hostile. And most people don't realize this is why they're coming to feel that way.

goddessblade.bsky.social•23 hours ago

My reasons for singling out Talia as the person I most spoke up for are, of course, more personal. What it comes down to is that she is my friend, I care about her, I saw her being miserable and scared and frazzled for weeks about this, and when she asked for my help I of course did not refuse.

goddessblade.bsky.social•23 hours ago

Tbh it wasn't an ideological decision. It was emotional. I care, I felt warmth, I wanted to protect my friend from suffering, so I tried to do that.

I hoped to protect many others from suffering, too, though my position in those cases was both less personal and less proximal.

johelianthus.bsky.social•17 hours ago

I can’t say I know you too well as I’m quiet and don’t really make myself knows on here but this is real nail on the head stuff. Every time I read what you have to say I feel like I’ve learned something. You’re such a lovely person and I truly value you and your voice in the community

goddessblade.bsky.social•14 hours ago

Thank you 🩷

goddessblade.bsky.social•23 hours ago

I'm describing warmth—it's fundamentally a personal thing, not an ideological one. But we all need it to feel safe with other people, and that means many times we need to give it, proactively and without always knowing how much we'll get back.

goddessblade.bsky.social•23 hours ago

To the question "what about everyone else in this situation who was hurt? Don't they deserve compassion?"

YES. I want their suffering lessened too. I want them to feel safer and more at peace again too.

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