I don't have enough time today to begin or continue work on drawing anything before work, I hope negative feelings don't creep in later today any worse than they already do...
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For some reason at work, specifically in the latter half of the shift, I start getting really depressing thoughts. It's the most I really feel "alone" I guess, despite being surrounded by pretty friendly coworkers. I guess I feel less alone when on the internet that when I can't be on it these-
-thoughts start rolling in in huge waves throughout my shift. I start playing up bad parts of myself, like the many comics I've tried to make only to burn and start over. That me making art like I am today was to do the goal of making my own long running comic, a goal that feels even more out of-
-reach as time goes by. I constantly have new ideas and interests that can't fit into what comic I could be working on in that moment, concerned with me wasting my time on something I don't enjoy. The irony in that, of course, is by scrapping so many comics it all kind of makes it a waste of time...
I've always had "the one" mentality when it comes to comics, dreaming of a project that I would work all my life on. In all that picky-ness, if I had just stuck with the comic I started out with and not get dragged down by the friends that inspired the characters, then maybe I'd well reach my goal-
-by now. In another world, I'd still be making that comic having the time of my life, reaching the goal I set out for. What happened instead is me having a hard time to commit, a refusal to have multiple comics, and feeling depressed about the friends I could have made if I didn't focus all my time-
-on making the one comic I'd work on until I die. Now I'm kind of a friendless hermit, too shy to talk to anyone due to me always making a fool out of myself whenever I open my mouth or type on a keyboard. It's so rare to talk to someone it kind of feels like I'm in a void watching reality go by.
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