As much as I try to preach that there's nothing shameful about being visibly autistic, I know I do a lot of work to hide the moments I struggle most away from the internet.
In part it's for safety, not giving the worst people ammo to use against me.
In part it's just internalised ableism.
In part it's for safety, not giving the worst people ammo to use against me.
In part it's just internalised ableism.
Comments
I don't mask or try to fit in because I love forcing myself into "normal" behavior, I do it because the world would spit me out if I didn't
When I was a kid the world did in fact spit me out a lot, exactly because I did not do the "normal" behaviors
I want to belong & masking is the cost
As an adult I recognise the things I need to do to regulate.
Even as someone whose main job is "talk about disability", I still find it hard to shake the memory of being bullied as a kid.
Please be comfortable
Please know that there are a lot of people who are in your corner.
Thank you for all you do.
I wish I could let go of some of that more effectively.
I appologise for the fact that I am doing stuff that's literally on the diagnostic criteria for the disability I have lol
It's hard some days to feel like it's okay that my disability is in the way of stuff.
It comes in ways like cancelling streams rather than doing them on days where I am repeating a pop culture phrase over and over to self soothe.
Sometimes, I struggle to practice what I preach and just let myself be visibly disabled in front of new people.
Knowing the way things should be/could have been doesn't change trauma, after all.
It has meant a lot, having coworkers I can truly admit my limits with x