As a transmasculine person, I know my own head and my own heart. Who I am is not a choice, being myself IS a choice. Power has nothing to do with it, and the process of claiming my masculinity and being like a man means losing power.
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I am not the confused one, the person projecting their patriarchal idea of masculinity is the person trying to tell me what I feel and why. When you have been gaslit your whole life, it takes a while to sort that out. Some never do.
I know that I transitioned to live and to love, which I've written about. But it took me a while to realize that what was obvious to me, did not exist to others. That many people really don't understand what is desirable about being a man or masculinity other than power.
I was watching Contrapoints video on Desire (aka Twilight) and there is a section where she talks about reverse Twilight and the appeal of conceptualizing oneself as a man. she says, it's about a desire for power, not a trans wish because we are addressing cishet women.
That's when it hit me what the underpinnings of all the feminist writing she was referencing was. That being a man or masculine if you aren't born that way is only desirable because of power. That's it, that's the whole fantasy.
She said, this isn't about trans men, ofc. And that's the kicker, there. Because she would not say the same about being like a woman or feminine. Why a cis guy might also enjoy being like a woman or feminine was obvious to her, if not to some of the theorists she quoted.
This was right around the same time as the article interviewing Kirsten Stewart for Love Lies Bleeding, which is an incredible distillation of transmasculine desire, by a woman. So, is she really a woman, as she claims?
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