-last memory of him was holding on to my finger and looking at me as though saying, “no mom don’t let me go”. I let him go. I called the girl two months later to see how he was and discovered he died of a heart attack shortly after rehoming. I fucking cried and cried. The guilt was crushing.- - ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

panachia.bsky.social • 68 days ago

-last memory of him was holding on to my finger and looking at me as though saying, “no mom don’t let me go”.
I let him go.
I called the girl two months later to see how he was and discovered he died of a heart attack shortly after rehoming.
I fucking cried and cried. The guilt was crushing.-

Comments

suchfunarewe.bsky.social•68 days ago

The deepest heartbreaking guilt I ever had was w my 2 quail girls, Dan & Dary. I didn't realize the probiotic I was adding to their water had calcium, & they were on Harrison's, which has plenty. They had oyster shell bc they'd started laying. Dary died from hypocalcemia. I killed her w my mistake

suchfunarewe.bsky.social•68 days ago

Gd it *hyper*calcemia (too much, not too little) I've never discussed this in public and I'm nervous, so I made that error.

suchfunarewe.bsky.social•68 days ago

I didn't know. They were the first quail I'd raised from chicks (dumped at animal control with Wayne & Katy Button at a few days old) I lost Dary first. Then days after, Dan got sick. Reg vet failed me; finally got her to avian specialist & even a week hospitalized couldn't save her. Yeast in crop.

suchfunarewe.bsky.social•68 days ago

I still am mad at myself & it's been 5 years. My vet assures me that there were things going on w the girls that likely made them extra susceptible to things (poor breeding, stressed young) and Wayne lived 4 yrs (cancer) w same care. I know I should let go of my guilt, tho. So should you ❤️

suchfunarewe.bsky.social•68 days ago

You made a choice out of love, trying to do right by your friend. You couldn't have known & you didn't cause it. It was just a terrible unfair thing & no one's fault ❤️

panachia.bsky.social•68 days ago

Thank you for sharing your story and for the comfort ❤️ Loving an animal is one of the most humbling experiences you can go through.

panachia.bsky.social•68 days ago

I’m so, so sorry…even when all logic points to there being external factors (I hate how we’ve fucked with birds’ biology after so many years of poor breeding), it’s hard to let go of that guilt. 😔 I’m sending you so many hugs from my corner of the internet.
You loved those birds til the end and I-

panachia.bsky.social•68 days ago

-know they understood that. 🐦❤️

panachia.bsky.social•68 days ago

-Then my father pushes me against the wall and tells me to shut up. He’s just a bird.
I couldn’t grieve him properly because I wasn’t allowed to. Downed a whole bottle of tequila that night.
The memories still linger as scars. It was my fault. I knew it.
I can’t let this happen again. Not to Rubin

heretoenjoyart.bsky.social•68 days ago

I’m so sorry he passed. You were doing what you thought was best for the parrot in the long run and there’s no way you could have known he would pass soon after. Birds hold special places in our hearts and no one can tell us they don’t matter, they can be the world to us. They are worth it.

panachia.bsky.social•68 days ago

This is so healing to read, thank you. I wish I had the time to simply cry over him…he was a special boy.
All birds are. I wish more people could see that.

nuclearanna.bsky.social•68 days ago

I understand this guilt, but it’s not your fault. You tried to do the best for him. You couldn’t know. And you deserved to grieve and to not have someone so violently reject your feelings.

I hope you now have the space and support needed to properly grieve both of your companions. New loss opens

nuclearanna.bsky.social•68 days ago

old wounds and it can re-traumatize you—but it also gives you a chance to clean out the festering guilt and hurt, and, hopefully, find some closure that honors their lives and your own.