I had really hoped for transition to open the world up for me somewhat, for me to be able to connect with people in a more genuine way finally, to enjoy being alive, and what I got was "your friends will abandon you at the first false rumor, that's how much you mean to people."
No one who could have done so was ever willing to confront the people involved. There is no resolution, they just wanted me to disappear, and they got that. I'm so tired of this ghostlike existence, though.
I keep having nightmares of the people I lost while the people I didn't lose keep giving me that "I don't know who to believe, is it cool if I just don't decide?" shit
but I never got to decide or chose to be a coward and back out of this ass first. This stagnation, it doesn't belong to me or the source of the rumors, it's the explicit property of everyone that chose to do nothing and idk how to return it
I feel I see this in 2 other ppl I know and at this point I have plenty of insight to decide. One is a genuine person and the other is a charismatic bullshit artist. Sometimes taking sides is just the most fair to your most true friends
what's been bothering me a lot is that plenty of people saw through the situation immediately, and some people I held very dear still "really don't know what to think", years later
my geuss? having their cake and eat too. they don't want to remove that other person out of their circles or remove themself out of them so they make up kind of an excuse to feel better about it.
Im sorry what happened to you. A bad relationship can really fuck you up and twist your worldview. Especially with the betrayal of people you thought were your friends. The mark fades but never goes away completely. Nontheless I do hope you keep making genuine connections from here on out
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