I am approaching burn out and feel a bit alone, I am exiting what has been the most stressful time i have ever faced in my life I was a week away from facing homelessness and it was all down to me to ensure me and my partner didn’t end up on the streets and thankfully I did it and we’re okay now
But I had to fix this alone, and along this road I found that a lot of my support network are actually incredibly vulnerable people themselves who needed my intervention to stop themselves from spiralling, I am emotionally responsible for so many people in my life and I feel exhausted
I’m grateful for those I have in my life, and those in my team who have helped me with project Monarkki but I didn’t realise how heavy everyone relies on my guidance and leadership as a creative and just in general, a lot of people look to me for guidance in big decisions in their own lives
They do so because I seem to approach adversity with a cool head when in reality I just really struggle with feeling my emotions like my god what I would give to be able to cry right now but I can’t I feel sort of numb and disassociative
I know I need to get used to this feeling especially with the whole becoming famous thing but my god do I feel alone, I feel like there’s no one I can turn to or look up to for guidance. Nobody around me is on my level in that regard I feel like I’m drowning a little bit
I have a deep love for the people in my life but I’ve realised that those closest to me are actually the most vulnerable and are not capable of supporting me because they’re understandably busy surviving or dealing with their own emotions I must stand strong for them
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