But it didn't matter. Knowing the rumor was there was enough and I spent all of April in a state of constant terror until the date came and went. Even though I KNEW it was impossible, my endocrine system didn't. I woke up on 4/21 not to martial law, but intense pain in my neck. - ThreadSky

crowpotkin.bsky.social • 52 days ago

But it didn't matter. Knowing the rumor was there was enough and I spent all of April in a state of constant terror until the date came and went. Even though I KNEW it was impossible, my endocrine system didn't.

I woke up on 4/21 not to martial law, but intense pain in my neck.

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crowpotkin.bsky.social•52 days ago

The pain was an 8 on a 1-10 and I had to leave work early. My neck and shoulders burned and the bones cracked when I turned my head. I was in agony but I thought I slept wrong.

Until it lasted into Wednesday and I made an appointment with a chiropractor. I saw them Monday with no success.

crowpotkin.bsky.social•52 days ago

I did see a real doc on Tuesday and got diagnosed with trapezius myalgia. I was literally so stressed for so long that the stress strained/tore my trapezius muscles. Recovery may be a few weeks to a few months. As for now, I'm on muscle relaxers and OTC pain relievers.

crowpotkin.bsky.social•52 days ago

I say all this not just to give insight into whats wrong, but to express a worry. I feel like in the era of Trump, social media is becoming a trauma machine, where instead of offering solidarity, infinite takes about atrocity after atrocity traumatizes people and, per the admin. it's by design.

crowpotkin.bsky.social•52 days ago

I'm not going away forever but I am touching more grass and spending more time with friends and desperately attempting to limit my news consumption.

What I want to say is, I'm concerned about others right now, I don't want you to be as ineffective as I am. As broken by trauma.

ashlapike.bsky.social•52 days ago

As someone newly diagnosed with C-PTSD, this hits home. I have not yet changed a lot of my old triggering habits, something that I keep putting off. I hope that it helps you to know that you have aided in helping me. I hope that you can find the comfort you seek.

crowpotkin.bsky.social•52 days ago

Honestly, yes, knowing that I’m helpful always feels nice.

crowpotkin.bsky.social•52 days ago

Because that's what the 4/20 conspiracy made me feel, like I was watching millions of people be consumed and traumatize themselves, descending into nihilism, paranoia, and conspiracy.

Please, please, please protect your peace the best you can. You don't want this in your head.

crowpotkin.bsky.social•52 days ago

I don't want this in my head but I broke a long time ago. There's no fixing my brain and making me the person I was before C-PTSD again. I can only manage and obviously I'm not even doing that well.

Find a balance and don't let the bastards do to you what I did to myself a long time ago.

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