If Zelensky wants he can come hang at my house and I can negotiate with him about the unconditional surrender of the Russian Federation. Trust me bro they told me I can do it for them
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I've been trying to figure out reparations but it seems like Russia actually has no economy to speak of so I don't know where those will be paid from. The strategic vodka reserve maybe
General Klortzikov regrets to inform the Premier that the strategic vodka reserve is, uh... totally still where we left it, fully secure and not at all stolen. But please do not look, there's been a... er... smoking incident.
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