Knowing how I react playing paintball, I regret to inform you all that if I am called up for WW3 I am dying in a moment of stupidity that I had assumed would actually be heroic.
Comments
Log in with your Bluesky account to leave a comment
I played on a stag do about a decade ago and somehow got hit right on the top of my forehead in the tiny gap between the safety mask and my hood, Absolutely certain that’s my kind of luck for any real life combat
Only done it once. On a stag (obviously). There was a clearly defined area of ‘play’ (which is normal i’m sure). But the group of Italian kids we were playing against didn’t seem to understand that. So went outside of the game area to outflank us and kill is all. The shits.
Haha, pretty much the case. We were doomed from the start. A group of hungover idiots against a crack outfit of well-drilled children. We were lambs to the slaughter.
They understood the rules perfectly well; the problem is they were the great grandchildren of Italian anti-fascist partigiano, training to once again take up arms in these difficult times.
Your loss was in the service of a good cause. Bella ciao, my friend 😂
Another time I was broke and couldn’t afford to pay for more than like a round or two’s worth of paintballs so ended up playing rest of the day in melee mode.
If you get close enough to someone and shout surrender, they have to. Did that a lot. Got shot a lot. Lotta lotta bruises.
Better than my approach the two times I’ve done it - walking round loudly and demonstratively telling everyone it’s shit and that I’m annoyed I’ve been made to come.
Last time I went with my brother in law, sister, and a few friends, the overall group consisted of us, another group of adults, and mostly children. The other group of adults were early 20s, *very* tall and broad lad types who took it upon themselves to bully the kids as much as they possibly could.
They weren't being brought in line by the staff and we're talking not just ignoring rules (eh, fine, who cares) but ignoring safety (running up to twelve year old kids and shooting them point blank in the back of the head). I didn't like this behaviour nor that they weren't being stopped.
So, naturally, I took it upon myself to solve the problem, asking the stewards to intervene. My brother in law then overhears one of the lads saying they're going to find me and stab me in the middle of the next match. Alright, probably not, but it's not worth the risk, so I sit that one out.
Steward asks why, we tell them, and the whole group is finally called back to the main camp area. On the way back, one of these lads - who I must stress are half a foot taller than me, and I'm 5'11, and much broader - shoots me in the back. The sane reaction to this would be to ignore it.
I, however, am apparently a total psycho, as I decide it's time to revive my teenage boxing career and go for a fight I cannot possibly win. My brother in law, also being a psycho, backs me up. One of the more rational lads intervenes before this can result in someone being hit with a paintball gun.
All of this is to say (sorry, this took way longer than I thought it would for a simple joke) that if we're using paintball to judge, when WW3 breaks out and we're all called up, I will go early by running at a tank and trying to hit it with my fists, but god damn it, it'll be for *justice.*
Comments
Explained to them that if we used human wave tactics to zip out of our trench as one, it’d be too overwhelming and we’d win.
They bottled it as I popped up to get Platoon’d.
Your loss was in the service of a good cause. Bella ciao, my friend 😂
If you get close enough to someone and shout surrender, they have to. Did that a lot. Got shot a lot. Lotta lotta bruises.
I’m not lasting.
Mind you, I'm talking about the Russian one