By all means, validate yourself in your intention, let Jesus validate you in your intention, but please please please don’t force the person you hurt to have to validate your intention when they’re still dealing with the pain of the impact of your unintended (insert ism/phobia here).
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Guilt is healthy when what you did matches up with what you’re being accused of. We can learn from guilt… but shame……
Shame is the thing that makes you want to defend yourself in the face of someone else’s pain. It makes you want to convince them that you’re not bad….