I didn't have the right words as a kid to know, but I always had the idea that "oh being a boy would be better. Like, Im not a boy though, because that doesnt feel right either, but its almost right?"
After moving out of my hometown at 18, I got to meet so many people across the spectrum
But I wasnt in a safe situation then to really even consider my identity for a few more years, but in my 20s I got to be, & while Ive gone through a few "labels" to find the best fit (NonBinary, Trans masc, Agender, Genderfluid, Genderqueer, oh the options)
Ultimately I just feel best saying Queer💚
And some of that identity exploring has been more recent even, like learning I am Genderfluid (based of definition at least)
Its been wonderful to get to learn and explore my identity, & I wouldn't have been able to without other Trans & Queer people, both in my life personally & in online community
It was a long road to get here, mentally & emotionally
But its worth it all to be here now. If life decides we go for another trip to learn about myself again, I'll embrace it & I know every other Queer person is at my side, excited to see my happiness with me, just like I am for them💚
It was a slow burn for me...I didn't play with non-binary identities until around 18 years old or so. May have been a bit longer. I started realizing that maybe my recoiling at being called a woman wasn't really...normal, if you are a woman, so I started thinking about what it meant.
I had a lot of complex feelings about girlhood (and still do) and being seen and responded to as a girl, and I just kind of realized I did not like it. And that if I tried to think about what I did like, I felt...kind of empty about it? Like nothing was there. So I was like hmm. Agender maybe?
Before that I played with demigirl. And I realized even she/her made me recoil to be called. But I wasn't in a safe environment to explore being a boy or transmasc at all so I kinda just...never thought too hard about it for years.
I finally moved out, and it gave me space to really think.
The concept of being transmasc seemed too wrong for me for so long, mainly because I knew the world wouldn't easily see me as even remotely masculine. And even though I always supported anyone that is transmasc no matter their presentation, I couldn't figure out where I fit into it.
I couldn't reconcile my face and body and voice as it is with being masc to anyone else...so it took a lot of unpacking that feeling (and I am actively still fighting with it.) Especially since my ideal masc presentation is still considered pretty 'effeminate' or whatever.
I love having long hair and I don't really want to alter my body, personally. Not surgically anyway. And it's been a weird conflict in my mind.
But at some point I realized many things in my life pointed to wanting to be some sort of effeminate boything and that I needed to embrace that part of me.
I was assigned female and wanted a penis but didn't identify as transgender because I didn't want to be a man. I was around 30 yo when I started engaging with transgender people and content online which led to my non-binary transgender identity.
I dressed as a boy since age 4, went by male pronouns online since I was 12, bound my chest since high school, philosophised all the time about not thinking about myself as female at all, and had to have my transmasc boyfriend gently tell me I was trans at age 23.
honestly it took me til being an adult to LEARN of trans people and that gender isn't rigid..
The entire time in my childhood of desperately not wanting to be seen as a "girl" came up in retrospect and I was like
damn....
I'm a boy....
I always felt like I was non-binary, but it wasn’t until I got pregnant that I realized I was transmasc.
I look back on that time in my life as if I’m watching a stranger in my own memories. I still am not in a safe place to transition, and I feel trapped right now, so I could use some trans joy.
I can bring some trans joy 🩵
Specially regarding others. I have met more trans people in the last year than I have in my entire life. And although I can't attest for their journeys, I can vouch for their character. Everyone I've had the pleasure of meeting has been amazing in their own way. 🧵
Strong, creative, funny, loving, passionate, dedicated, emotionful, I can go on. Proud of who they are and unwilling to compromise. I cannot imagine it is easy. But I see their friends, communities, even strangers back them wholeheartedly and I feel it is incredible seeing such support. 🧵
I still am not 100% certain of who I am(NB) but engaging with people that have had similar feelings that I have felt have given me a sense of self and encouragement to explore myself more than ever before and I have a good number of trans and LGBT+ persons to thank or that, you included young bun 🐰
I learned the term nonbinary in my late 20s and felt relief flood through me because FINALLY there was a word for what I’ve always known about myself. grew up reeeeal sheltered so. late bloomer lol
as a kid i always felt i was in a different headspace as i never felt i was 'female' enough. i mean i loved dresses and thinking i was a princess and all that girly stuff. but i never felt like i was the typical female. after having my kiddo i started looking further into myself. and found i had
more of masc leaning than i previous allowed myself to have and feel okay with. ie. i was repressing part of myself due to society. around covid is when i finally went. yaknow what i'm just me. a person. neither, either or. somedays i feel masc. some femme. or most days neither. i still dress in
femme. but say of myself "ya boi is tired" type. i use Mx as i don't feel like Mrs or just Mr fits. so all of that to say i think for me it was a long process to figuring it out. but it took till i was like 35 to do it (40 now)
When I was younger, I didn't really know what trans was and there was barely any info on it. I was never a "pretty" or attractive girl so I started wearing less fem clothing when I got to 12+. Got more LGBTQ+ info later on via more internet and info spreading...
... and then I felt that being NB or agender suited me way more than just being what I was born with. So yea, I'm comfortable being an enby now, just a creature that is both/all genders and none at the same time.
i am still pretty young (22 going on 23) but i only found out late 2021 and only rly started transitioning in 2022
growing up i never really felt like.. right.. if that makes sense. there was no thought of “oh yeah, i want to be a man actually” just a sense that something did not feel right
especially among my female peers. i never felt like i fit in with them that well, the only group i found myself fitting in when i was younger was a friendgroup that im pretty sure all turned out queer in some way LOL
i think i just always felt very disconnected from gender, i never leaned into it
my teens were a trainwreck in terms of identity. i was more open to trying to figure out my identity but i just did Not feel right with any label i slapped on
i went from thinking i was a lesbian to going aro/ace to being nonbinary for a few years but none of it felt right to me still
in those years too i had a few moments of trying to be hyper feminine too.. i tried to force myself to like things like skirts but. i cannot stand them 😭
i think looking back those moments helped being transmasc click for me. i cant actually full remember what made it click
but i think a big component of it was playing DND and exploring identities that way. i started playing my first long campaign in late 2019 and my character in that game was a man
and.. basically ever since then most of my dnd characters have been men 😭 i think i unconsciously found myself feeling
much more comfortable in a masculine identity… which i eventually found out about a year or two into that campaign
i talked to one of my transfem friends (hi @harleywood.bsky.social ) about it a lot which helped a lot in figuring myself out too, i would 100% recommend talking to other trans folks
Comments
After moving out of my hometown at 18, I got to meet so many people across the spectrum
Ultimately I just feel best saying Queer💚
Its been wonderful to get to learn and explore my identity, & I wouldn't have been able to without other Trans & Queer people, both in my life personally & in online community
But its worth it all to be here now. If life decides we go for another trip to learn about myself again, I'll embrace it & I know every other Queer person is at my side, excited to see my happiness with me, just like I am for them💚
I finally moved out, and it gave me space to really think.
But at some point I realized many things in my life pointed to wanting to be some sort of effeminate boything and that I needed to embrace that part of me.
I went the full ditz route.
The entire time in my childhood of desperately not wanting to be seen as a "girl" came up in retrospect and I was like
damn....
I'm a boy....
I look back on that time in my life as if I’m watching a stranger in my own memories. I still am not in a safe place to transition, and I feel trapped right now, so I could use some trans joy.
Specially regarding others. I have met more trans people in the last year than I have in my entire life. And although I can't attest for their journeys, I can vouch for their character. Everyone I've had the pleasure of meeting has been amazing in their own way. 🧵
growing up i never really felt like.. right.. if that makes sense. there was no thought of “oh yeah, i want to be a man actually” just a sense that something did not feel right
i think i just always felt very disconnected from gender, i never leaned into it
i went from thinking i was a lesbian to going aro/ace to being nonbinary for a few years but none of it felt right to me still
i think looking back those moments helped being transmasc click for me. i cant actually full remember what made it click
and.. basically ever since then most of my dnd characters have been men 😭 i think i unconsciously found myself feeling
i talked to one of my transfem friends (hi @harleywood.bsky.social ) about it a lot which helped a lot in figuring myself out too, i would 100% recommend talking to other trans folks