So a friend text me a little over a week ago asking to add their husband to our texts. She said he wanted to be involved too. He’s nice but it feels invasive and weird. Trying to think of a nice way to say, NÖ. Thoughts?
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Maybe something like, I really enjoy our chats and I feel like I couldn't be as open with additional people in a group text. If there's something to share with him, we can do that in a separate text exchange.
Also, why does the husband think he needs to be involved??
I don’t know. It’s a very odd request. He does overpower conversations in person and then she rarely talks, to the point others have commented. She’s really nice but enjoy our chats and just felt weird.
Agree. I think this is the most sensible response but am worried texts will exclusively be in the group chat. I’ll just keep responding to only re friendship things.
Maybe a bit but it’s just a weird dynamic with them too. They’ve been together since high school. We’ve just never had group chats. He’s got a big personality and when in a group she’s very quiet. In that scenario speak to her directly.
I guess if he’s part of the friend group, he just wants to be included, maybe. I have a friend couple like that, totally innocent. But I would worry that a guy doing this is controlling his wife.
My initial reaction was controlling and a little upset, as when in a group he takes over conversation and doesn’t recognize social cues. He truly doesn’t recognize he’s doing it, but as far as am aware, there’s not a diagnosis of say neurodivergence.
I think trust your instinct, if he's overpowering her in person & it's weird request, set up separate group chat but also keep the private one & use it to check in- "are you ok?" "do you need a private conversation? are you safe?" Even if she isn't but denies it she'll hear your concern
Good advice. I hope she knows already and will say it again. We walk (just her, Thunder, and I) in warmer months too. I keep trying to remember ppl are lonely, but that doesn’t mean he gets to be on our texts. Both really love dogs.
"I have group texts disabled on all my devices, life is simpler that way. Plus, I am NOT for everyone. <3"
Honestly, good luck. I agree with everyone who is saying make it two separate text conversations. Even the one friend who has a husband I LIKE doesn't text me. I'm also a little scary /shrug
Even if you just say they are disabled, how would they know otherwise. Anyone asks you how you did it, you just say it was a setting in your phone and they can google it for their model. Polite yet done.
Not even sure how some people keep track in those. I 💯 would offend someone with a GIF or meme
Thank you. New to me too. We’ve been friends for a while, an out of the blue request. It made me a little uncomfortable, and like the hubby, but felt odd. That’s a great idea. He kinda overpowers her when everyone is together conversing, where others notice, so like having our chat too.
It’s just her and I and asked to add him to our texts. I can create another with the 3 of us, but he seems to overpower conversations when in person and then she’s very quiet.
Honestly unsure. He always kind and a surfer dude personality. Last summer it really bothered others as she barely said anything and more quiet than usual. It just seemed like an odd request.
I would say I'm not comfortable to add him to the original chat. If she insists, maybe make a second chat with him included. But my answer would be 'no way!'
You know them better than I, but it's triggering all my alarm bells about abusive situations.
He is most certainly reading her texts already. He wants more control.
I agree. It’s been kinda giving me the ick too and felt was controlling. A reason for her to have a her own friend/space too. He’s nice but noticing more and more he dominates the conversation and doesn’t catch cues when ppl winding down or it’s time to go.
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No explanation required. Plus, she knows it’s a creepy request, I’d imagine.
I’d also call her and meet in person to ask if she’s ok? I’m blunt tho & would ask if she needs help exploring resources?
Also, why does the husband think he needs to be involved??
Honestly, good luck. I agree with everyone who is saying make it two separate text conversations. Even the one friend who has a husband I LIKE doesn't text me. I'm also a little scary /shrug
Not even sure how some people keep track in those. I 💯 would offend someone with a GIF or meme
If I want to have a group chat that is how I use BlueSky (previously used Twitter) so people can come and go, no harm and no foul.
On my phone, no thanks. Bad enough the ones I'm forced to be in at work that never stop with the alerts.
Sounds like he's jealous. 👀
But maybe that's just me. 😂
As a hubby myself, I think that is invasive and weird. Maybe make two text chains, one with and one without?
I would say I'm not comfortable to add him to the original chat. If she insists, maybe make a second chat with him included. But my answer would be 'no way!'
He is most certainly reading her texts already. He wants more control.