When someone tells you they are Autistic and how this impacts them... please don't respond with "We are all a little bit like..." or "If you do this it will fix that...". These responses invalidate individuals experiences and identities.
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It comes from a good place tho. It's trying to empathise or help. The thoughts r from a positive place even if they don't land well. People r basically good and do want to help each other. It's a natural tribal unity impulse.
Yup. Coming from a good place, and no shade on anyone who's done it in the past, meaning to be helpful or to relate.
But a response along the lines of 'OK, thanks for saying, let me know if you need me to do anything differently so it works for you,' is going to demonstrate real acceptance.
You can say something with good intent and not have it land, and that's a you thing, not on the person you said it to. I could, with all good intent, say, "You could fix your toe walking if you try heel toe marching," and it might not be polite to say since I dont know that this person needs 'fixin'
I try to assume positive intent, and sometimes it is, but I’ve experienced eye rolls & accusations as if I’m just being silly/complaining. At this point I call them out, letting them know it seems they know very little about autism. I also encourage them to learn more and might offer a few sources.
Then I walk away. My mental health and identity integrity is too important to let it be corroded by their fragile ignorance. Now if they do the research and then want to talk—hey, cool. Otherwise nah.
Yes! When people start with the “we are all a little bit like” defense I remind them that it’s an either/or word. If they start lecturing me about what to do, I try to be gentle as I remind them, “thanks but I didn’t ask for advice”. Many non-autistics lack social skills so I try to be patient. 😁
Just walk away. It’s absolutely none of their business. I see this every day. I don’t understand people’s entitlement to offer “advice” on that which they know NOTHING.
I just say one thing now. "It's not linear; it's a spectrum." Then I walk away. I have also said to the "everyone is autistic" comment, that only someone autistic would think that. They shut up pretty quickly.
During the diagnostic process, my mom (who previously told me she thought I was autistic) asked me why I thought I was autistic so I told her. When I described symptoms she could relate to (she’s adamant that she’s not on the spectrum too) she said “well I think your dad was more autistic than you”🙄
It's especially "funny" when the person has been poking fun at your quirks for years, but as soon as you put a word on it you're "the most normal person [they] know"
Before I was formally diagnosed, I had been visiting an appointed social worker. Nice guy. I sat in his chair for six months and he never asked me why I was there (despite having formal dx of ADHD/MDD/GAD/AD). When I told him I was to be eval for ASD, he said, “you’re not Autistic, you’re smart!”…
I instinctively erupted all over him- Screaming. Emo dysregulation at its finest. All he ever wanted to discuss was ayahuasca. The ASD dx was validating, and helped to contextualize my life. However, I am unable to receive the help I need as ins. does not cover this type of mgt for adults.
I hate the "my son is autistic" or when another autistic person says "I'm autistic and that's not true". Oh what really annoyed me is a self diagnosed person telling me I'm not autistic.
If you can suggest it to us, we've likely already tried it or ruled it out as an option. If the problems we express could be easily solved we'd have already fixed it & probably never would've brought it up to begin with. We're very efficient problem solvers, but society & symptoms complicate things.
My oldest daughter is autistic and so is my nephew. They have two entirely different experiences. My family tree is exploding with autism. No one person was like another, though there were always similarities. When my kid asked me what it meant, I said it was like she ran on Mac and we’re on PC.
It was the best I could come up with at the time, and she was only 8. Now she is very good at expressing her needs when they impact her ability to focus. She’s graduating from college this fall. I’m not saying I did everything right, but I think she did.
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But a response along the lines of 'OK, thanks for saying, let me know if you need me to do anything differently so it works for you,' is going to demonstrate real acceptance.
This should illustrate to those people how stupid it is what they are asking.