Anybody else constantly berated for doing things wrong growing up so now they reflexively apologize and it annoys people and you know it but it's a trauma response and you got cptsd and you are sorry you got cptsd and you won't apologize so much in the future I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry
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I was reading that, and I was recognizing myself…
The damage was real.
I still apologize more than I should but nothing like what I used to
Still, only apologizing a fraction of the times we used to is very good progress.
Here's to all of us unlearning and becoming better people over time.
between the impostor syndrome, constant apologies for things those people don’t even see ti judge anymore and the cptsd whispering flashbacks into your brain…. It’s a nightmare.. wanting to improve in something always feels like a mistake… support helps but only so much sometimes
There may be some apologies in there but they are as sincere as my efforts.
People might say their parents planned them, or they were an "accident" or "mistake"? I just happened, my existence was inconsequential, preferable I stayed quiet out of sight
Hell, even asking for help never rendered positive results. Got a knife pulled on me, parents ignores my calls and refused to cooperate with me to make a police report of the incident
Like I said, inconsequential
But there are also so many people who live with kindness and sincerity to learn from--hopefully one day those teachings will outweigh the hurt.
Wishing you some peace and energy for your art!
And constant feeling that you’re not good enough and have to justify the fact that you’re taking up space and breathing air.
this sounds pretty familiar i think but i cant be sure anymore about my past :/
Andy's currently trying to get me to break the habit by teaching me to be unapologetic but I still feel really overbearing and nervous whenever I share anything about myself if it's good things.
https://bsky.app/profile/haileypiperfights.bsky.social/post/3lfpiojvny22d