Realizing that I have not gotten over the death of a dear friend from cancer a year ago. People who’ve lost people important to them, what’s your advice? - ThreadSky

trt.bsky.social • 17 days ago

Realizing that I have not gotten over the death of a dear friend from cancer a year ago.

People who’ve lost people important to them, what’s your advice?

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jgallyer.bsky.social•17 days ago

Putting on my clinical psychologist hat on for a second, one thing to be clear about is that grief can absolutely be severe enough to meet criteria for depression. If the grief is causing you significant distress OR impairment, then you're depressed. It doesn't get a special category.

jgallyer.bsky.social•17 days ago

If you already have a history with depression this can be tough to disentangle. Are you just normally grieving or are you clinically depressed? The key is to focus on these questions: is this significant distress or impairing my life? You could very well feel like shit every day about it...

jgallyer.bsky.social•17 days ago

And still get out of bed and do stuff. I did a whole damn PhD with depression lol. So be wary of that. If the grief is significantly impairing or distressing, go see a therapist that does evidence-based therapy.

Now, if it isn't reaching depression levels, the key really is time.

jgallyer.bsky.social•17 days ago

Like, I don't think I'll ever be the same person now that my dad died. (Or after the other 4 close family members that died since 2019 tbh) I think about him every day. I don't think the pain ever goes away. But it is getting less consuming

valouriousknight.bsky.social•17 days ago

God is big enough to handle you shouting at Her, so when you need to shout, shout.

When my sister-friend died in 2018 I was absolutely furious for about 2 years, ans couldn't cry for ages. The rage does pass, the pain becomes a background chime, the hole never heals cleanly - loss becomes a scar

mjkrause.bsky.social•17 days ago

If you’re able to get out of bed and function, you’re not stuck in depression. If you are sometimes sad over the loss, you are not stuck in denial.

So give yourself permission for your grief to look however it looks and don’t let anyone shame you for it. There is no template or timeline for grief.

kellewatts.bsky.social•17 days ago

You just keep going and deal with whatever comes up. You might be fine for a while and then suddenly lose it. My mom died just over five years ago and I still sometimes have something come up that reminds me in a way that leaves me raw. It isn't fast, and it isn't linear, and that's normal.

kellewatts.bsky.social•17 days ago

Like rn. Mother's Day I was fine. But just now I donated the trunk she took with her to college and I'm low-key panicking and wondering if I have anything left that was hers (I do) and if it was a mistake, but we have 3 other trunks that match each other and are cedar lined and don't need that one.

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