Genuine question about demi-romantic: I always thought the definition of romantic attraction was having a deep emotional bond. How is it defined here? I just don't understand what romance means without the emotional connection (maybe I'm demi lol) - ThreadSky

sharkinthedark.bsky.social • 21 days ago

Genuine question about demi-romantic: I always thought the definition of romantic attraction was having a deep emotional bond. How is it defined here?

I just don't understand what romance means without the emotional connection (maybe I'm demi lol)

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dinosorcerer.bsky.social•15 days ago

I think the confusion comes from mixing up an established romantic relationship with feelings of romantic attraction, which can include shallow crushes & the like. A demiromantic person would be *unable* to get attracted to someone without already being emotionally close, as I understand it

ducky.ws•21 days ago

Demi- is one that's always confused me a little bit. I guess in a similar vein to demisexual, romantic attraction for a demiromantic is *not* what causes the initial attraction in the first place.

As for what the heck romantic attraction actually *is*... that's a tough one for an aro to answer 😆

sharkinthedark.bsky.social•21 days ago

I can understand how someone could be sexually attracted to a person without emotional connection. But romantic attraction without it does not compute for me lol I also tried to look up the definition of what romantic is and... It's not helping haha

twyce-bitten.bsky.social•21 days ago

It doesn't help that there are several multi-billion industries propped up by the idea that romance has to be purchased. With their vested interest in muddying the waters it's going to be rare for any two people to have exactly the same view of what romance is.

sharkinthedark.bsky.social•21 days ago

Oh yeah, tons of money to be made on the idea! Then you could ask if romantic attraction and love are the same, and get millions of different answers.

I'm just fascinated cause I've never come across the concept of romantic attraction without an emotional one as well and I'm curious how it works!

ducky.ws•21 days ago

I suppose some people form a romantic relationship purely because they want offspring and that's what eventually holds them together over the years. I mean... there's plenty of parents who end up divorcing after the children have left the nest

sharkinthedark.bsky.social•21 days ago

I guess it's highly subjective and individual, though idk if people who stay together for the kids would say it was romance. But maybe they would and I'm conflating it with love. Interesting subject regardless! I've never thought so much about it.

ducky.ws•21 days ago

Whenever I look up what romantic attraction is, it always seems to be things like "Going on dates" (£), "Having a city break" (££), "Getting married" (£££). Going back over history, the story is the same: gifting items to people was how close bonds were formed.

But romance must be more than that...

sharkinthedark.bsky.social•21 days ago

I agree it must be more. For me it's the emotional connection but also wanting to be with them in a different way. I have very deep emotional connections with some friends, but I do not feel romantic attraction to them like I do my partner. Really neat to try and specify the differences!

twyce-bitten.bsky.social•21 days ago

I think romantic affection can be expressed through gifts of time or creative energy rather than money -- someone writing a poem about how they feel about me would feel romantic and genuinely flattering even though it cost them nothing.

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