Anybody can call themselves an ally. But ally isn't an identity you can claim for yourself. Ally is a label given to you by the community you want to be in allyship with. Plenty of parents think "I'm not transphobic" and then punish their kids by misgendering them. They don't get to decide.
it feels like we just let a lot of people claim it based on their supporting trans people when they were considered a "vote winner" and it's become really exploitable by cis men who also claim allyship to women who get to pick and choose how to resolve the "rights conflicts" they invented
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You deserve happiness.
Anyone who accepts these concessions is no real ally.
some are even parents of trans kids who see this supposed "trans extremism" as making it harder for people to accept their kids as normal