The correct frame is to get these latecomers to accept the damage they’ve done by giving them the task of repairing it and putting them to work. No coddling their feelings; make them show how much they regret this.
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I think additional framing can come from the research on addiction. Bear with me. At least within AA, there is an emphasis put on 1) understanding your "character flaws" (Step 4) and 2) making amends to those you have harmed (Step 9).
A lot of addicts get stuck on Step 4 - in large part because they fear knowing "truth" about themselves. Step 9 can get tricky because you actually have to try and make amends. And yes, many addicts have broken the law - and AA insists that you take what comes of that (including jail).
If we frame racism as an addiction and treat it as such, with the *extensive* research done on addiction, it opens things up a bit. i.e., if you really want to be anti-racist, you need to go through these 12 steps. Not for nothing, the Step 12 is all about being in service to those still suffering.
I just think Sanchez' premise is completely wrong. I have many Trumpers in my family and they're not going to change their minds until Fox does. Which won't happen any time soon
I liked that other post and I like this one too. Totally agree that the response should be "Welcome, I'm glad you changed your mind. There's been a lot of damage done, here's what you can do to help fix it."
as a cis white lady who is at far less risk of psychic damage from their nonsense, I'm making it my mission for the next few years to peel them off when I can and send them back, weaponized, to tank for a bit while folks who DO NOT NEED TO FORGIVE THEM AT ALL take a breather.
Serious question, have you found any good resources for this? Something along the lines of "here's a list of articles, a youtube playlist, and a worksheet for examining how you got this way"?
Honestly, I think that isn't even the part I'm focused on? Like we can do deep dive on their soul after they've proved they deserve it by getting out on the front lines and trying to fix what they help broke. Which sounds harsh... but I would rather redirect who they're hitting with the stick first!
I just worry they're going to backslide pretty easily if they don't understand why they were susceptible to believing all their problems were the fault of "those people"...and also, what can they do to help fix it?
Certainly feeling the brain cell smoothie right now
Totally fair. For those of us who have gotten some people that far, though, it’s hard to know what’s next. I’m in the process of trying to find a program for cult survivors to recommend
I mean first of all: congrats on getting them that far! And yeah, that is definitely NOT my area of expertise, but I feel like I see a lot of really smart stuff from the Ex Evangelical community who had to go through that sort of intense deprogramming.
Some people will continually advocate for no consequences and for uncritical forgiveness, like grown ass adults are babies. It's childish and irresponsible.
I've seen the rhetoric that we have to hold these people's hands when they realize they fucked up. Is it wrong that I'm skeptical of their genuine remorse?
I really don't believe them that they're genuinely remorseful and won't do it again given the chance. I know we should forgive, but I'm wary of being burned again
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Shout-out to @theradr.bsky.social. this is a repentance and repair situation. No easy outs, you can show up and do the work or GTFO.
Certainly feeling the brain cell smoothie right now