let me ask you for concrit and then whinge like WELL WHAT DO U MEAN BY THAT. WELL I THINK IT'S MORE LIKE THIS. WELL I WAS TRYING FOR- and you can just smile and nod and then later I can come back smoking a metaphorical cigarette like Son of a bitch. You're right - ThreadSky

landeg.bsky.social • 6 days ago

let me ask you for concrit and then whinge like WELL WHAT DO U MEAN BY THAT. WELL I THINK IT'S MORE LIKE THIS. WELL I WAS TRYING FOR- and you can just smile and nod and then later I can come back smoking a metaphorical cigarette like Son of a bitch. You're right

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landeg.bsky.social•6 days ago

basically instead of saying "you can be honest! I promise it won't hurt my feelings!!" I wish it was more acceptable/understood to just say "oh it's gonna hurt my feelings like CRAZYYY but that's not your problem. I'm asking for it so don't take my resulting stroppiness personally. please be honest"

landeg.bsky.social•6 days ago

god's strongest warriors & greatest artists are the ones who can take constructive criticism on the chin no worries. but I also know that's never gonna be me lol so let's settle for second-best, where I can grab my chin and cry like a baby about it and you just keep eating your sandwich til I'm done

artvm1s.bsky.social•6 days ago

I’m the same way and it’s extra hard to find good critique partners. I feel like setting that expectation of wanting harsh criticism but letting them know that you’ll be bothered by it can help a lot but you really need to find the right personality of blunt but not an asshole which is so hard

artvm1s.bsky.social•6 days ago

And I feel like a lot of people like that have been trained out of it because of other peoples reactions. I wish more people would lead with that expectation when expecting criticism (I say, as if I am not also guilty of it)
It can help to do it over text but then the other person worries about tone

landeg.bsky.social•6 days ago

Yeah, I feel like it's just a general difference in attitude. I'm not afraid to disagree with my friends etc while to other people, any form of that is conflict and therefore inherently bad & fractious. So any sort of discussion around crit = disagreement = a fight = RUN!
But to me, that's business!

artvm1s.bsky.social•6 days ago

For sure! I think about being taught in school that every criticism should be given with something positive and I think thats followed a lot but that’s not always what I want, sometimes I need someone to tell me what they think would make it better rather than just small things & that it looks good

landeg.bsky.social•6 days ago

Agreed! I know I'm asking a lot when I ask for concrit bc it's inherently difficult to navigate socially for the first time lol. Even if I had a heart of steel about it, people are still scared to say anything.
I think I gotta basically say "I will not respond to the crit til X hours later" haha

mewtides.bsky.social•6 days ago

DJSJDJ I have to admit I'm the type who loves and appreciates critique as long as its not mean spirited (ykwim) but I never ask for it anymore because I feel like everyone is afraid to hurt my feelings 😔 opposite problem...

id happily give you crit but I also don't want to make u sad lol

landeg.bsky.social•6 days ago

HAHA I do know, sometimes people who are into "harsh realities" are more into the harshness than the reality lmao

But I think it's the same problem, bc I WANT people who are okay with hurting my feelings (temporarily) bc they know I'm asking for it!! That's why I wish I could be transparent abt it!

landeg.bsky.social•6 days ago

Like this is the issue 😭 I don't want people to be nervous about giving me concrit because they don't want to "make me sad". I want people to understand that I'm not really sad it's just gonna be a part of how I process criticism and I wish I didn't have to hide any sign of negative emotion!! yknow

landeg.bsky.social•6 days ago

If I have a specific piece I want feedback on in the future I'll keep you in mind! But if you have general concrit to give (like broader issues you've noticed recurring) you can drop me a line too 👍

beasttrash.com•5 days ago

something that helps me is that i can also disagree with the editor, pick and choose what critique will actually help me rather then take in the whole thing. because its still all subjective and taste, especially art and writing.

beasttrash.com•5 days ago

and being on the shit end of some bad faith critique in the past also helps me value the really good concrit coming from a good place.

(but i will also still cry abt it a little, but the frustration is a fantastic motivator.)

landeg.bsky.social•6 days ago

The flipside of this would be that the people offering concrit would not have to wrap it in seven layers of bubble wrap and sugarcoating. You don't have to spare my feelings, I don't have to pretend like my feelings were spared. We can both move on with our days!!

melonami.bsky.social•6 days ago

i genuinely love discussions about pieces like this!! good crit should never hold back.. no worries if you're not in need of it, but i'm always open if you feel like my eyes could help 🫡🫡 i feel like it helps me just as much to get to think about it hehe

carriecmoney.bsky.social•6 days ago

Man it's the realest. I think of this Maya Angelou quote about editors every single time anyone ever suggests I improve anything ever

landeg.bsky.social•6 days ago

CRYING LAUGHING BECAUSE YEAH LMAO. I WANT FRIENDS LIKE THIS EDITOR!! I'd never actually say anything like that but the Energy... I wish I could just. be allowed to not be all sunshine and roses after concrit lol. Like let me sit in the corner with my lil raincloud while I process!!

carriecmoney.bsky.social•6 days ago

The venn diagram of people who can dish things out that I actually (eventually) respect and who can deal with this is soooo, so small!! Gotta treasure them when you find them... But man it really takes work 😔😔

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