it's only happened a few times in my life but driving in a car when the cold sweats and the stomach starts sounding like a thrash metal singer actually led me to prayer
The worst I ever had was getting iHop corned beef hash and then getting stuck in rush hour traffic. Sweat beading down my face while I tried desperately to remember meditative techniques
My lower intestine hitting the Boom-da-da-mmm-dum-na-ee-ma Da-boom-da-da-mmm-dum-na-ee-ma Da-boom-da-da-mmm-dum-na-ee-ma as I’m sitting on an off ramp in bumper to bumper traffic
I would tell my wife the truth, straight out. "Darling, at some point this evening, my ass is going to look like an unclogged sluice gate. I may need to install handles on the sides of the toilet."
It’s the husbands job to do something useful like get you something cold to drink or usually just stay at least 50 yards away while the lady does whatever mystery she’s doing in total privacy
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I accidentally got some on my balls after a marathon decades ago...never gonna do that again.
And do you have to do the whole tiger?
Me through clenched teeth white knuckling the wheel: “this means war!!!!”
I'm divorced btw.