the ppl saying bdsm played a role in neil gaiman's abuse of women are driving me nuts bc sex you didn't consent to is rape even if the guy is being gentle. also marital rape was legal until like yesterday i dont think rape started when people admitted they sometimes like to do weird stuff in bed! - ThreadSky

kathbarbadoro.bsky.social • 46 days ago

the ppl saying bdsm played a role in neil gaiman's abuse of women are driving me nuts bc sex you didn't consent to is rape even if the guy is being gentle. also marital rape was legal until like yesterday i dont think rape started when people admitted they sometimes like to do weird stuff in bed!

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kathbarbadoro.bsky.social•46 days ago

maybe it gives them a veneer of plausible deniability they wouldnt have had previously but they would be denying what they did regardless, so i don't see how it matters

kathbarbadoro.bsky.social•46 days ago

i just feel like saying "the normalization of bdsm behavior caused this" kind of makes it seem like if it hadn't been violent than it wouldnt have been sexual assault still, but it would have been

kathbarbadoro.bsky.social•46 days ago

tldr the problem is lack of uncoerced consent, not the specific behaviors to which the person did not consent to

kathbarbadoro.bsky.social•46 days ago

i think it's probably bad that a large number of people seem to think it's normal to like choke their partner without asking but the problem is the *without asking* not the choking

dashwallkick.bsky.social•46 days ago

Also the reporting started with him just fully walking in on someone bathing and forcing her into his lap and fingering her. So the people saying BDSM caused this are saying what exactly about that assault? That it wasn't as bad? It's so infuriating and stupid and condescending.

nearzone.bsky.social•46 days ago

Jian Ghomeshi is the name that always jumps to mind, "bdsm" seems to be a pretty common excuse

tidalbutterflies.bsky.social•45 days ago

Jian Ghomeshi and Trevor Bauer used the same BDSM defense and there is a slimy level of tarnishing the victim inherent in that. Like a lot of the public will see a woman who enjoys kink as "slutty" and therefore "someone who shouldn't have boundaries" and "someone who deserves it."

nocash.bsky.social•46 days ago

The main thing with actual Weird Sex People is making sure everyone’s cool with what’s happening

kathbarbadoro.bsky.social•46 days ago

i find the whole "community" around it unbearably cringe but going after the people who are trying to impose widely agreed upon structures on this ort of thing are probably not the people to criticize in this instance lol

shamanstirsthefire.bsky.social•46 days ago

Usually no safe word.

kathbarbadoro.bsky.social•46 days ago

"no" is a safe word barring a previous agreement of a different one

hugetinymistake.bsky.social•46 days ago

Why don't these people just say they're going to read his books regardless and stop with the bs.

hugetinymistake.bsky.social•46 days ago

I misread this. I thought it was gaiman DEFENDERS. But it's just people blaming BDSM instead of the actual rapist. Sheesh

babezoid.bsky.social•45 days ago

Smacks of people trying to "one weird trick" themselves out of rape culture, with perhaps a soupcon of slut-shaming thrown in. Very similar to the "guys are just watching too much porn these days!" people

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