My mother organis'd the local serfs for a quarter century. I walked with her during the peasant revolts, and helped her provide bread and merriment to them in their travails. Thou wouldst not last three seconds 'twixt her nethers; thine own bollocks would shrivel like prunes. I miss her terribly.
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Speaketh not of my mother so crudely, lest my vexation causeth a can of whoopass to be released."
Will I. Am Shakespeare