Just did the longest, biggest most satisfying shit ever. Wanted to take a photo, I was that proud of it, but all I could think was that if something happened to me it would be the last photo taken on my phone that my relatives would find.
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I can't do this because I have a Japanese bog that auto-flushes when you remove your arse from the seat. So many giant curlers have been vacuumed away before I could capture their glory.
The first photo I ever took on a digital camera was a turd someone left in the work toilets (wasn't me), that was so wide it was wedged in the pan (it looked like an American football). I ran over to our graphic design department who had just bought the camera and asked them if I could borrow it!
Trust me, my arse is not capable of stretching that far (that was part of the reason for taking the photo, the mechanics of it were mind-boggling, I wasn't sure I trusted what I was actually seeing).
Also, this thing where people just automatically assume everyone else is lying is fucking tedious.
When I was younger I was the first of my friends to have a camera phone. My mate came rushing out of the bog at McDonald’s, asking to borrow my phone. He only went and took a picture of his shit because it was apparently the biggest he’d ever done. He insisted on me emailing it to him.
Ever been on a long course of Co-Codomol? I'd you have, then you'll know why the epic shit that you finally have is know as the Co-Codomol Coconut....
Fecking eye-watwring....
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Also, this thing where people just automatically assume everyone else is lying is fucking tedious.
This you?
You hear about Dave?
Yeah man, died after taking a monster creasebomb! What a lad.
Fecking eye-watwring....