Level Up! Game Session: #004 Simple Sentence: He’s so stupid he couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were printed on the heel. (Attempts in replies, share please!) Rules for Level Up! can be found here: bsky.app/profile/mich... - ThreadSky

michaelastackpole.bsky.social • 15 days ago

Level Up! Game Session: #004

Simple Sentence: He’s so stupid he couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were printed on the heel.

(Attempts in replies, share please!)

Rules for Level Up! can be found here: https://bsky.app/profile/michaelastackpole.bsky.social/post/3lhh4a6zqj22s

Reposted from Michael A. Stackpole

Level Up! (A new word game)

Object: to rewrite a simple sentence to become as long and convoluted as possible while still conveying the original meaning.

Adjectives and adverbs welcome.
Technical and modern jargon permitted.
If at first you don't succeed, this is what a Thesaurus is for.

🧵

Comments

seanhaleyeah.bsky.social•14 days ago

If there was a King of the Dotards, he would be his piss boy, so stridently obtuse, powerfully dimwitted, and heroically dull that if he could read, a boot’s well-captured urine would stay affixed within, even if he was directed to its heel-placed instructions—idiots seeing him felt abject pride.

michaelastackpole.bsky.social•14 days ago

Yay, wonderful play of words. Well done!

mightycoz.bsky.social•14 days ago

Upon examination, the individual in question was subjected to the most rigorous of testing, which was followed by the less rigorous of testing, which was in turn followed by the most simple of testing. After several rounds, he was presented with a urine-filled boot. He then proceeded to drink it.

michaelastackpole.bsky.social•14 days ago

Clinical notes as if from a university testing program. Solidly done, I can feel the student getting an F already. (not the one writing, the one quenching their thirst.)

vspar.bsky.social•14 days ago

Quickness of wit was never akin to him in ways that could make you think well of his mind, but to say he was unable to follow soul bound instructions of spilling urine from footwear was both cruel, and, unfortunately, accurate.

michaelastackpole.bsky.social•14 days ago

I like it. Nice sardonic undertones. Excellent job.

macbitseach.bsky.social•14 days ago

I was riding along on my fine steed, searching for a conveyance across the river that was running high when I spotted the town fool on the other bank and called to him, “Hey fool, how do I get to the other side of the river?” and he looked at me like I’d just had exit my backside a sparkling

macbitseach.bsky.social•14 days ago

rosebud before replying in a most derogatory and Dunning Kruger manner that if in arm’s length would have gifted him a cuff on the ear that would have sent him spinning like a pinwheel, “Don’t be daft, you’re already on the other side!”

michaelastackpole.bsky.social•14 days ago

Love how you rendered that.

It's the same sort of joke I heard in Vermont growing up. There's a whole class of those things showing off local intelligence versus outsiders. It's a great category of humor.

macbitseach.bsky.social•14 days ago

BTW, really enjoying this game! It also put me a step forward in my writing, or rather made me remember something I used to do when I wrote but stopped.
So thanks.
And thanks for “bilabial fricative” all those years ago.

michaelastackpole.bsky.social•14 days ago

I'm glad you're having fun with the game, and I really appreciate your playing.

macbitseach.bsky.social•14 days ago

There are a bunch of “Try not to laugh” internet groups. I heard that joke on an Aussie site. What really makes me laugh is when a 20 something comedian tells a joke that was old when it was told on a Vaudeville stage and then says, “I wrote that.”

michaelastackpole.bsky.social•14 days ago

Yeah, or magicians do something Harry Houdini did and expect to be crowned a genius.

I guess that's why it's "entertainment."

macbitseach.bsky.social•15 days ago

“He’s so stupid he couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were printed on the heel.”

That sounds like an East Coast Canadianism, along the lines of, “He’s so cheap he wouldn’t give you the steam off his pee!” Or, “He’s got more tongue than a Mounties’ boot!”

michaelastackpole.bsky.social•14 days ago

I first heard it as something President Johnson said of a political opponent back in the 50s-60s.

sagasmith.bsky.social•14 days ago

The person in question, who was- I believe - referred to as John Doe, has demonstrated a remarkable lack of mental agility, such that when presented with a single hand-made snakeskin cowboy boot, custom built with the stamp TURN OVER on the heel, was unable to perform an act of draining it of urine.

michaelastackpole.bsky.social•14 days ago

Ohhh, dripping with sarcasm. That's fantastic.

sagasmith.bsky.social•14 days ago

Thank you!

Btw, do you know STEERING THE CRAFT by leGuin? One of the exercises is a coherent sentence of 250 words+. It was a challenge.

michaelastackpole.bsky.social•14 days ago

I have not seen that, but will keep an eye out for it.

janesinterstellar.bsky.social•14 days ago

“So bereft of even the most basic of natural aptitude that, were the instructions for an action written and displayed in such a manner as to facilitate the very action that they describe, this individual would be utterly incapable of performing said act.”

michaelastackpole.bsky.social•14 days ago

I can almost hear these words in the mouth of an attorney as he opened a case against the defendant! I think that's great.

swarm32.bsky.social•14 days ago

As I looked into their eyes, I beheld such an extraordinary lack of intelligence that I knew if someone forgot to tell them that proper procedure for urination , they would not only fill their boots to the brim, they would also completely lack the wherewithal to evacuate the liquid…

michaelastackpole.bsky.social•14 days ago

While not rendered in the original French, I was getting vibes of Athos holding forth on religion from the Three Musketeers. Well done!

swarm32.bsky.social•14 days ago

from their leather footwear even with a most thorough inscription of the process upon its soles.

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