If they support nazis, oligarchs, stripping people's rights, killing thousands, raping women, stealing people's money, disinformation - do not spend time with them.
I reject the notion that just because people have DNA in common, they owe each other something. I much prefer the family I have created to the family I was born into. I wish them all well-- from a distance, then I spend my time with people who value and understand me.
I don't enjoy social and family gatherings with Nazi's, fascists, racists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, and misogynists. Getting along with them is not my goal. Avoiding them is.
Showing up for family always felt more important than my own anxiety and mental wellbeing too. And you're right about it taking both sides to work on it. But so often those of us who don't conform to our family's view that end up doing the heavy lifting. Just Google LGBTQ Christmas Survival guide.
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If they support nazis, oligarchs, stripping people's rights, killing thousands, raping women, stealing people's money, disinformation - do not spend time with them.