A major problem with bullying is victims know what happened but are silenced through a mix of threats or bullies and enablers denying what the victim knows is true. If you're stopped from being able to say what you witnessed or experienced you start questioning yourself and may appear unreliable /1 - ThreadSky

petraboynton.bsky.social • 6 days ago

A major problem with bullying is victims know what happened but are silenced through a mix of threats or bullies and enablers denying what the victim knows is true. If you're stopped from being able to say what you witnessed or experienced you start questioning yourself and may appear unreliable /1

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petraboynton.bsky.social•6 days ago

This plays out in all settings (home, school, work, friendships), but can include a grander scale where negative events happen that we all witness and understand but others in positions of leadership and power (including politicians and media) fail to name or challenge /2

petraboynton.bsky.social•6 days ago

Where you have institutions questioning victims, allowing bullies to change or dominate the narrative, or telling victims they're wrong in what they know it's an effective silencing technique. See also, people in power doing awful things other politicians or media can't bring themselves to name /3

petraboynton.bsky.social•6 days ago

Bullies and enablers (wherever they're found) hold onto power by claiming it's all very complex when it is not.

It's really simple and it goes like this:

1. Name the behaviour or actions immediately they're spotted
2.Challenge this, collectively

Repeat as loudly and firmly as necessary /4

petraboynton.bsky.social•6 days ago

You don't need to make bullies comfortable. Couching observations and evidence with 'appears to...' 'seems like...' 'might have...' dilutes impact and allows bullies and enablers to start challenging, time wasting, and gaslighting.

Get evidence and witnesses:

They did this...
We saw that...

/5

petraboynton.bsky.social•6 days ago

And, when people (who may or may not be enablers but are basically doing that job) start with 'are you sure?' 'better be careful if you're accusing' or similar, turn it back on them.

Why do you believe them and not me?
Who does this help?
What did you see?
What do you think?
Why the doubts?

/6

petraboynton.bsky.social•6 days ago

They may be trying to help, but in many cases they're actively supporting the person misusing power even if it seems like they're 'just asking questions'.

You can be firm and it's easier to do this with allies.

Put the focus back on why they are supporting an abuser. Hold them accountable. /7

richardshaw.bsky.social•6 days ago

I have had friends who have been bullied. As part of bullying not only have the bullies denied what happened, in some cases they have accused the victims of being a bully and used the processes that are supposed to address bullying as another way of threatening the victim.

petraboynton.bsky.social•6 days ago

Sadly that's very common. And, unfortunately, if the bully is senior and/or valuable to the institution their version of events are much more likely to be believed. Similar in DV also, police frequently hear from abusers who claim they were the victim.

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