Of course he’s a victim. Without his say so, his dick got hard and TWICE some naked person just tripped and fell on it, and each of them got pregnant! What could he do? (Obviously, he should wear a cage over his dick to prevent this from happening again.)
What are you supposed to be apologising for, exactly? You don’t want kids. You don’t want to be a step-mother. You were clear.
Are you supposed to be apologising for not meeting ‘his needs’? tough!
Also tell the ‘friends’ where to go too.
Many people don’t think we are allowed our own agency 🤔
He had kids too young (I think) so why should she? And saying that he hardly ever sees them so it doesn’t matter?!! - so he doesn’t think being an awful father would be off putting thing, making him an ever worse prospect. And the mutual can fuck off
How is it that men make the very common and known „mistake“ of not using a condom several times and still see themselves as victims of not using a condom several times?
He was just a dumb kid when his first one happened, but she's evil and judgemental for not wanting it at the same age?
Either you think she's too young to make that call = you shouldn't try to date her; or he's extremely jealous she's smart enough to back away.
Even if he was a victim, that doesn't excuse his behavior here. She isn't interested, she stated why. Move on, there are tons of women who don't have kids as a deal breaker.
I'm a single dad too. And it always makes me angry when I see people that refer to their kids as mistakes. "I'm a victim blablabla". Man, shut the fuck up. Be thankful for what you got, instead of whining to all your friends, just because a woman you met feels uncomfortable with being stepmom at 19
The fact that he refers to his own sons as a mistake should be the biggest red flag for any woman. He has zero responsibility, he has zero pride, he has zero loyalty.
Wait, "baby trapped" at 18 and then had a 2nd kid 2 years ago? With the same woman? Did family pressure him into marrying her? Are they divorced? How long have they been divorced?
First of all he can fuck clean off for that "younger girls like experienced men" comment. That's just unnecessary and creepy. But second of all, apologise for what? Not wanting to be a step parent, or even pseudo step parent, is a damn good reason not to date someone. Especially when you're only 19!
And experienced at what? Being a shitty dad? Being a victim rather than taking responsibility for his own actions? He's clearly not actually learning anything from his experiences
If he didn't want to have kids, he should have kept his trousers zipped. Isn't that the way it works? The girl didn't magic the sproglet into existence. Having made a "mistake" he then repeated it? Victim?! Nope.
This! Especially when she is not keen on kids. No one should have 'stepmother' forced on them, and even if he doesn't have custody, it would still affect her.
You’re 19 and he’s 25. Nope. I was 19 dating a 27 year old and I was not relatively ready to be a step mom. I don’t have kids due to endometriosis but never even wanted them so it shows why the relationship didn’t work.
And did he not know how condoms work? If a woman says she’s on the pill or can’t have kids, still tell them “NO GLOVE, NO LOVE!” Seriously. People only worry about pregnancy and not STDs.
As if he wasn't already deeply unpleasant seeking out teen girls, he then started lying and demonstrating what a shit dad he is.
He's not experienced, just a deadbeat loser.
At 25 he thinks he’s an experienced man? In my experience, men don’t even know how to have sex until they’re at least 27, minimum. In his case, his experience obviously doesn’t include using condoms or actually raising kids.
Here’s a guy who desperately needs an education in how to use condoms, plus spermicide, plus withdrawal, and only with women with whom he’s willing to raise a child who also want a kid.
“That’s when he started pressuring me for a reason” is all the reason she needs to not date him again. She can tell her friends that she’s not interested in people who pressure her, and if it affects the friendship that’s on him. For me, I wouldn’t date a man who sees himself as a victim baby daddy.
And by “people who pressure her” I’m including her friends as well. Who needs friends who don’t understand how difficult it is to be a step-parent, and that parenting isn’t for everyone? What business is it of theirs? And why aren’t they mature enough to say, “We’re not getting in the middle”?
If this is the first date, this will never work. No one should be guilt tripped into anything. Manipulation is not good for any relationship.
It's a foundational rule my wife and I agreed to 38 years ago.
Wow. So sorry for the women/women who gave birth to those children.
I’m assuming he doesn’t pay child support and doesn’t like condoms.
But yay that he is shouting as loudly as possible at the teenage writer that in the future, he will care just as little for her and any kids she might ever have.
The minute you hear "younger girls" and "experienced men," just run. And date closer to your age.
Even people who kind of like the idea of being a step-parent to a baby are likely to balk at the idea of being step-parent to a kid who was born when they were 12.
He doesn't even see his kids very often? How is he a single father? That would make him a visit now and then dad, you know, the worst fucking kind. Ben is looking for baby mama number 3. Guys don't be like Ben, Ben is an asshole.
Tell off the chumps who introduced you. Did they mention he has two babies? Did he on your first date? You found out doesn't seem like he told you as he should've.
NO apology. The friends who set you up owe you the apology, seriously! "Victim" my ass!
No, @askaubry.com , you (or this poster you screenshot) I'd NOT the @$$h*le for declining to date based on a non-negotiable thing. Even if it's not his fault. While he may have been cheated by his ex, that doesn't mean he's right for Eve else.
He's a deadbeat who doesn't know where babies come from apparently & kids are NOT something to compromise on. Screw the opinions of any "friends" who would set you up w/someone & not disclose that
Should she reconsider? OF COURSE NOT. Nothing judgmental about it. She knows he's not right for her and no point in leading him on, or him pressuring her. No-brainer.
What a pile of crap
If it had been the other way around, everyone would have said that it's understandable that HE doesn't want to be saddled with another MAN's children
& It is HER choice not to want children now.
Nothing to apologize for. If he couldn't handle they reason, he shouldn't have asked.
NTA: There is nothing wrong with any woman not wanting kids. Also, if that second kid came as a surprise, it means he still hasn't figured out where babies come from or, more likely, doesn't care and won't take precautions.
Comments
He thinks that's a selling point?
Also, looking at it again, the M’s may be for Male, so a 7 y.o. and a 2 y.o., both boys.
Love your attention to detail 😁
Are you supposed to be apologising for not meeting ‘his needs’? tough!
Also tell the ‘friends’ where to go too.
Many people don’t think we are allowed our own agency 🤔
Either you think she's too young to make that call = you shouldn't try to date her; or he's extremely jealous she's smart enough to back away.
There is nothing to apologize for on OP's end.
"Baby trapped" 🚩🚩🚩
Wait, "baby trapped" at 18 and then had a 2nd kid 2 years ago? With the same woman? Did family pressure him into marrying her? Are they divorced? How long have they been divorced?
Are we sure he's actually single?
His clear distain for his own kids is red flag #2.
Besides he just told you what a shitty father he is. Who wants to date THAT?!
2) Not seeing his kids that often, is not the flex he thinks it is.
2) Not seeing his kids that often, is not the flex he thinks it is.
And experienced at what? Being a shitty dad? Being a victim rather than taking responsibility for his own actions? He's clearly not actually learning anything from his experiences
Either you are setting a 19 year old up to be a step parent or setting her up with a guy with two child support payments to manage. Important info.
He's not experienced, just a deadbeat loser.
It's a foundational rule my wife and I agreed to 38 years ago.
I’m assuming he doesn’t pay child support and doesn’t like condoms.
But yay that he is shouting as loudly as possible at the teenage writer that in the future, he will care just as little for her and any kids she might ever have.
Find new friends.
Sucks for the guy, but he made those poor decisions in the past.
Really the only assholes here are the couple who set them up without telling her something so important.
Bears don’t insult you or presume they’re entitled to your attention.
Even people who kind of like the idea of being a step-parent to a baby are likely to balk at the idea of being step-parent to a kid who was born when they were 12.
Also, 2 clear red flags:
1. Maybe the first kid was unplanned, but 2? Fool me once...
2. He doesn't see his kids, who are 7 and 2, "that often"? And that is supposed to be a good thing?
NO apology. The friends who set you up owe you the apology, seriously! "Victim" my ass!
Another "surprise accident" caused by him
If it had been the other way around, everyone would have said that it's understandable that HE doesn't want to be saddled with another MAN's children
& It is HER choice not to want children now.
Nothing to apologize for. If he couldn't handle they reason, he shouldn't have asked.