it's always the worst when you think about people you're forced to cut out because they can't or won't help themselves I still think about the most devastating instance where I got dragged into hearing about someone's personal issues. it got me angry because I couldn't do anything to better them. - ThreadSky

emeraldlatias.bsky.social • 2 days ago

it's always the worst when you think about people you're forced to cut out because they can't or won't help themselves

I still think about the most devastating instance where I got dragged into hearing about someone's personal issues. it got me angry because I couldn't do anything to better them.

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emeraldlatias.bsky.social•2 days ago

I would think they would be on the upswing, but nope, they went straight back to the source of the problems. You want to care and try to help, but in the end you have to recognize it's not fair to yourself when you're stuck in the thrall of someone else's abuse cycle.

emeraldlatias.bsky.social•2 days ago

(Sorry, need to clarify, they were the victim of the cycle, not the other way around.)

But at any rate, it was painful to have to say, 'you can't keep dragging me/other people around like this when you keep going back to [source of the problems].' and forced myself to leave for my own sanity.

emeraldlatias.bsky.social•2 days ago

Years later, I hate knowing that what I did back then was absolutely the right choice. That they never did get better, just kept continuing that cycle.

The point of all this is, you can't make people change unless they *want* to.

emeraldlatias.bsky.social•2 days ago

This is not to vilify people who make bad choices or stay in bad situations. Sometimes you just don't have viable alternatives or have the language to recognize why something/someone is bad.

It's more like, recognizing that you as an outsider to the thing have limited power to change things.

emeraldlatias.bsky.social•2 days ago

And knowing that is important. It's not moral failing to recognize that you've helped as much as you could but at the end of the day it's not selfish to not set yourself on fire to keep others warm.

emeraldlatias.bsky.social•2 days ago

And well, it doesn't have to be that dramatic a scenario either too.

I recognize in myself that I no longer have patience for people who consistently show they cannot regulate their emotions/responses and choose not to seek help for that.

pinkyfae-art.bsky.social•2 days ago

100%. It’s awful to know when you cannot help someone you care about, especially whenever it starts to affect your own well being. Unfortunately sometimes we are not equipped with the right tools to help someone!
This has happened to me many times, I wish them all the best but I cannot provide -

pinkyfae-art.bsky.social•2 days ago

- the professional help they require :( not sure if this is along the same lines as the people/person you’re referring to! But I understand what you feel regardless

emeraldlatias.bsky.social•2 days ago

100% - that aspect is so important. You feel shitty saying, 'maybe you should see a professional about that.' but it's absolutely valid. There's a stark difference between being a person to vent things to for casual stress relief and being treated as a substitute for a professional.

emeraldlatias.bsky.social•2 days ago

In the instances where you're not the person they vent to but you're seeing the side effects, it's also important to recognize that you can exit something that makes you feel like collateral damage / a punching bag for issues they don't address.

pinkyfae-art.bsky.social•2 days ago

Especially (as a person who has unstable emotions and emotional dysregulation lol) support networks need to work BOTH ways. If you need to vent/chat lemme know!

emeraldlatias.bsky.social•2 days ago

this too! Like, omg, I try my best to regulate myself because I *know* I run really hot when I'm upset. I know don't always achieve my goal but I'd like to think I do shield most instances so most people don't get the brunt of something they had nothing to do with.

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