Morning briefing at the White House after the Conclave Trump: so, who's the new pope? Aide: You! Trump: Me? Aide: No, they chose You to have universal power over the whole church Trump: Great choice! - ThreadSky

charig.bsky.social • 2 days ago

Morning briefing at the White House after the Conclave

Trump: so, who's the new pope?

Aide: You!

Trump: Me?

Aide: No, they chose You to have universal power over the whole church

Trump: Great choice!

Comments

citoyendumonde.bsky.social•1 day ago

Let's just put an end to all this magical thinking and ridiculous ritual, confiscate all the Catholic church's holdings and subsidize affordable housing all over the world to compensate for their decades (?centuries) of institutionalized pedophilia.

corujo.com.br•2 days ago

Aide: no, sir... the Korean Pope

Trump: wait, what? I don't like no K-pop

paulogustavo.net•2 days ago

Aide: Sir, the Pope’s name is Innocent.

Trump: Exactly, I am!

Aide: No, I mean… that’s the tradition, the Pope must be Innocent.

Trump: And I am the most innocent person you’ve ever seen. Everybody says that!

Aide: (sighs)

paulogustavo.net•2 days ago

Aide: It’s just… the tradition is to adopt a papal name, like Innocent or Pius.

Trump: Pius? Sounds weak. We need something stronger. I’m thinking Pope Trump the Great. Maybe Pope Trump the Tremendous. Tremendous Pope. Historic!

paulogustavo.net•2 days ago

Trump: We’ll have a golden Popemobile — with real gold, the best gold. And we’re going to build a wall around the Vatican.

Aide: Sir, the Vatican already has walls…

Trump: Not like my walls. Mine will be taller, stronger, and holier. The cardinals are gonna pay for it!

paulogustavo.net•2 days ago

Aide: Sir, the Vatican walls are historic…

Trump: Historic? Sure. But very small. Very small. Only like… what? Two miles? Maybe less? Pathetic! We need real walls. Walls you can see from space. And listen — we’re going to have t-shirts, hats… MAKE VATICAN GREAT AGAIN.

paulogustavo.net•2 days ago

Aide: Sir, again: the cardinals can’t actually vote for you. Papal elections don’t work like that.

Trump: Not with that attitude! Here’s the plan: we’re going to deport all the cardinals who voted wrong. That way, we guarantee the second mandate, the third… maybe lifetime terms!