I’m such a good software developer. I don’t like talking about tech anymore because of the trauma but fucking hell I know I’m still good at it. But I don’t have the right kind of body, the right kind of face, the right kind of voice, the right kind of social presence. So I’m garbage. - ThreadSky

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phazel.bsky.social • 5 days ago

I’m such a good software developer. I don’t like talking about tech anymore because of the trauma but fucking hell I know I’m still good at it. But I don’t have the right kind of body, the right kind of face, the right kind of voice, the right kind of social presence. So I’m garbage.

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phazel.bsky.social•5 days ago

Sometimes I even get low enough to wonder if I should have just had sex with the men I was supposed to have sex with, was expected to have sex with, in exchange for having a career. Maybe that’s what smart successful women do. Maybe nobody has really made it at all.

phazel.bsky.social•5 days ago

Then I tell myself that’s just a cope. Just because I’m a failure doesn’t mean everyone is. Maybe they’re just better than me. Maybe they’re just more likeable than me. They have the right looks, the right tone, the right body, the right attitude. Maybe I’m just a bad person and everyone can see it.

phazel.bsky.social•5 days ago

Like they say, assholes don’t do well professionally. Maybe I just have no moral compass, so all the successful assholes I see are actually wonderful people and it’s me who’s the asshole. I have no idea anymore. I just wanted to write code and make a living, and I can’t. I’m not allowed to.

phazel.bsky.social•5 days ago

Maybe that’s right. Maybe I deserve this. I don’t understand how, but maybe that’s part of the problem of what’s wrong with me.

phazel.bsky.social•5 days ago

I wish my baby didn’t have to become homeless just because I can’t figure out how to exist in society.

jessiemcgowan.bsky.social•5 days ago

I’m so sorry for what is happening to you - it’s not fair. But you are worthy of all that is good and your wife and baby know that. Sending you positive thoughts and hope.

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