Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky tore into Tucker Carlson for calling him a “dictator” who has banned free elections, telling Piers Morgan on Tuesday that the former Fox News star should “stop licking” Vladimir Putin’s “a**” and “stop working” for the Russian leader.
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Interviewed today by Piers “Pointless” Morgan, Ukraine President Volodymyr Zelenskyy has formally recognized the status of professional supplicant Tucker Carlson as a founding member of the ever-expanding Donald J. Trump Brown Chapstick Brigade.
Zelenskyy gently but forcefully requested that Carlson “stop licking Putin’s ass”.
Ever eager to assume new positions in service of Dear Leader, Carlson — whose thin but agile lips are a favorite with totalitarian tushies everywhere — has of late turned his attentions to the potent posterior of Russian president Vladimir Putin.
In addition to his willing lips, Carlson boasts other notable physical attributes favored by Dear Leader, notably his self-developed Trump-like man-boobs.
His disturbingly manic laugh has led to speculation as to whether his widely-assumed castration was surgical or chemical.
…or voluntary.
Carlson’s inspiring rise from the ashes of his beshitted career — following his unceremonious boot from Fox News — has led to a rapid expansion of his beloved Donald J. Trump Brown Chapstick Brigade, whose membership (affectionately known as Smoochies) now includes the entire GOP.
@8^)
America’s new Fascist Government is still on Russia’s payroll, despite them not admitting it.
I mean, Trump literally blackmailed Ukraine “if you don’t give me your rare lands I pull the plug and let Vlad fuck you all”.
#us #world #america