Harold gets invited to the company retreat by his new, important boss at his new, important job at some old, important company. He hasn't spoken to Kumar in years.
Bill Clinton has the runs, so Bill Clinton's Clone comes instead, but Bill Clinton was supposed to bring the weed, and the clone forgot, so Hillary calls the weed man.
Harold and Kumar reconnect, and through a string of antics, find out that Harold's there to be sacrificed to Moloch because his boss thought he was a virgin.
Eventually, the reptilians or draconians (or whatever they're calling them now) show up because "wtf happened with our sacrifice", and Kumar saves the day by hotboxing their spaceship and getting them to stoned to function.
The movie ends with Harold as the new CEO and Kumar as the weed guy for the intergalactic council. The reptilians decide to start smoking weed instead of feasting on our negative energy. Yay, everyone wins!
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