& that warmth is definitely here. It makes me a funny kind of feeling in my chest that I dare to call "happy" that people remember me from the bird site and are glad that I turned up here. But then there's The Scroll. - ThreadSky

quicksilvre.bsky.social • 120 days ago

& that warmth is definitely here. It makes me a funny kind of feeling in my chest that I dare to call "happy" that people remember me from the bird site and are glad that I turned up here.

But then there's The Scroll.

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quicksilvre.bsky.social•120 days ago

The Scroll is like the river running next to my little makeshift onsen. It is a strong river that can quickly carry messages and news far and wide, but the current is strong & even the strongest swimmers get overwhelmed eventually.

I am no longer a strong swimmer.

quicksilvre.bsky.social•120 days ago

& these days the river is especially turbulent (storms all along the river have it overflowing and full of runoff fertilizer, can't see what's going to hurt you before it's too late to get out of the way)

I am still rebuilding the retaining wall. I can't keep the river out when it overflows

quicksilvre.bsky.social•120 days ago

I want to know what is happening. It's scary when I don't know. It's also scary when I do know.

But, when I do know - what do I do with that? How am I supposed to prepare for the systematic destruction of the systems keeping me alive, because our new cyber nazi overlords hate the idea of me living?

quicksilvre.bsky.social•120 days ago

I am deep in the depths of several embarrassing addictions I was using as ways to "grey rock" abusive exes out. I have been working on achieving baseline levels of personal hygiene and nutrition. Like. It has been an incredible struggle to get to the point where I brush my teeth *most* of the time

quicksilvre.bsky.social•120 days ago

And I am honestly proud of having gotten to this point! It was super hard but it helps so much when I do! It's never actually easy to do because sensory overload is common at the end of the day, but it's so much easier to sleep with a clean mouth

quicksilvre.bsky.social•120 days ago

But it's still a fragile habit and The Scroll has a tendency to break me. This is a bad time to be broken. The people that benefit from my being broken are the same people doing the awful things that make The Scroll so deep and turbulent these days. I refuse to just give in to them.

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