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allhailjerry.bsky.social
Headache. Big Boss Human for River Side Casino: @riversidecasino.bsky.social My posts: https://bsky.app/profile/allhailjerry.bsky.social/feed/aaafaaongqdyc
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This one just ate grass for the first time in her life, and barfed it up. Journey from six years in a puppy mill cage to the greater world continues! I’d rather live barfing outside than drugged in a cage, etc. Mimi!

submitted 2 hours ago • 2 comments

At least George W Bush knew all the words in "The Pet Goat"

submitted 2 hours ago • 0 comments

Kool Aid Man: *swatting at hummingbirds* QUIT DRINKING ME!

submitted 2 hours ago • 1 comment

TIME TRAVELER: can you tell me what month it is ME: may TIME TRAVELER: *heavy sigh* may you tell me what month it is

submitted 4 hours ago • 1 comment

*re-recording every popular song from the '50s and adding "with consent, of course" where appropriate*

submitted 17 hours ago • 8 comments

I install a pool every time I wanna take a dip and then immediately remove it.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

I’m over here. You’re over there. Seems to be working.

submitted 17 hours ago • 0 comments

Son: dad, what happens after we die Me: [struggling to open jar of pickles after the edibles have kicked in] pickles

submitted 19 hours ago • 6 comments

Just flew back from a yoga retreat and boy are my oms tired.

submitted 18 hours ago • 0 comments

I bet a plane crashing into a house feels so good for the house

submitted 18 hours ago • 10 comments

This isn't Australia. Please don't steal our baby wombats.

submitted 19 hours ago • 3 comments

I wrote about my old friend Joshua Clover: elizabethmccracken.substack.com/p/so-blue-co...

submitted 4 days ago • 6 comments

I saw that literary device in your post I giggled

submitted 21 hours ago • 0 comments

Sometimes I tire of people saying weird shit to me on here but my addiction to the attention always wins out

submitted 21 hours ago • 1 comment

I'm too stupid to be this old.

submitted 480 days ago • 0 comments

googled my symptoms and ai said someone is secretly baptizing me

submitted 23 hours ago • 10 comments

cognitive dissonance canceling headphones

submitted 1 day ago • 8 comments

Should be a conclave for smaller decisions like interior design and bird of the year

submitted 1 day ago • 10 comments

Cause of death: strongly worded letter

submitted 1 day ago • 10 comments

Computing tip: disconnect the USB cable from your hate hole.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Computing tip: don't ask your uncle what he spilled on the keyboard.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

your fingers wrapped around my thumb have me wrapped around your finger

submitted 3 days ago • 25 comments

there should be more occasions to eat stuffing

submitted 9 days ago • 18 comments

I'm one (1) six-digit verification code away from a straight jacket

submitted 3 days ago • 31 comments

My compliments are usually about fangs or talons.

submitted 79 days ago • 1 comment

The clothes my new friends wear are a lot more fireproof than the clothes of my old friends.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

imagine if flamingos knew ballet

submitted 8 days ago • 5 comments

By all means, autocorrect, let’s go sit on the font porch.

submitted 3 days ago • 5 comments

Most relationships consist of one partner who can fall asleep immediately and one resentful insomniac

submitted 3 days ago • 16 comments

i'm glad i don't have a thought bubble above my head because when i'm involved in intellectual conversations i'm usually just thinking about some variation of potatoes

submitted 3 days ago • 35 comments

Tried to edit my family photos using AI. With the ad-supported tier, all the photo collages at my grandmother’s funeral will have the Burger King logo added, but it’s still nice

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

When Babe Ruth played - the average fast ball was 23 mph - dead center was 130 feet - uniforms had 2 extra "hot dog" pockets - bases were sacks of sorghum - average player age: 47 - umpires carried guns - gloves were made of wood - all outfielders were on horseback

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

Can you speak up? I’m having plate of beans

submitted 4 days ago • 4 comments

Congratulations to our intern Cliff, winner of Greeneville Zoo’s prestigious Groomer of the Year award! (We're still workshopping the name)

submitted 4 days ago • 8 comments

I respect you more if you mispronounce feng shui.

submitted 4 days ago • 1 comment

back in november I missed a day of meditation and I think I broke the country y'all

submitted 9 days ago • 4 comments

becoming more efficient at my job by quitting

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

I’m just one perfect kickflip away from getting my wife back

submitted 4 days ago • 5 comments

The jokes are a cry for help, folks. Love, Toz

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

I don’t pay for ad-free Hulu because I fucking love prescription drug jingles.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

Thrusting into the spotlight, these women and their swelling, turgid roles

submitted 4 days ago • 12 comments

Do you like the movie Phenomenon starring John Travolta? Because lately that’s the only movie we can get to work on the projector.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

Have your therapist call my therapist.

submitted 9 days ago • 9 comments

so they really just let you walk out of here with a newborn, huh

submitted 4 days ago • 75 comments

Love tossing a “how you say” in front of a word I very much know how to say

submitted 8 days ago • 25 comments

*offers you a bite of my onion*

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments