apparent-radiant.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

Surprise her in bed by gently caressing the small of her back with a non-fungible token

submitted 21 hours ago • 0 comments

How are we doing over there at The Times, I wonder…

submitted 1 day ago • 6 comments

Doctor: How's your meme health Phone: Pretty terrible but isn't everything pretty terrib- Doctor: Did you just Batman interrupt slap yourself Phone: [toddler runs into the room does uh oh face and runs back out gif]

submitted 1 day ago • 6 comments

do you brush your teeth for work or pleasure ?

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

Nerdy singles in your area are actually not interested in meeting anyone who doesn't already belong to their D&D group.

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

Guys, the male stripper we hired showed up wearing an ICE uniform and he brought a bunch of American Girl dolls that he pretended to arrest

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

As little ships go out to sea, spoon thine soup away from thee. -The Art of the Deal, Tony Schwartz

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Switching to orc milk. Since the FDA halted testing, it's really the safest option rn. Also orc cottage cheese is naturally clumping

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

If Grimace were still alive today he would be very disappointed in us

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Y'all, let Hegseth have his makeup booth. CoverGirl tawny is the only thing protecting us from his eldritch grease

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Dinah Shore: 🎶When I’m takin’ sips from your tasty lips / Seems the honey fairly drips / You’re confection, goodness knows / Honeysuckle Rose🎶 Queen of the Aphids: Let me go and you can have all the honeydew you want from my alimentary canal

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

There's two options this summer you gotta go peroxide blond or fill your underwear with mango chutney

submitted 4 days ago • 2 comments

Betrayal puts on a meat suit

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

You thought i was gonna let you like that post? Deleted. Too slow. You're gonna have to be faster than that to outpace my post-post regret, slug thumbs

submitted 4 days ago • 2 comments

Smaller noses, ladies, let's go! Not a single speck of cartilage. Tiny, reptilian slits. Get those lips puffier! C'mon bigger! Work, you lazy bitches! Now get those boobs horrifically massive. Really push from your core. Door frames need to crack when you walk in a room. We want structural damage!

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

Everybody's got that one albatross. Thinking of starting a business selling albatross jibbitz. What should I call it?

submitted 4 days ago • 1 comment

Once again I’m doing the show where I make soup while people perform (featuring @davidjroth.bsky.social), and once again I have made a dumb video about it. The show is on Wednesday at UCB at 8:30pm.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

You can hear the tonsil stones

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

Never forget that Vaught is busy skittering in the shadows

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

Drop your good twin Cabinet appointee! I'll go first: Hegseth

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

Seeing a man walk thru a crowd of kids wearing a shirt that says “Size Matters” but its just different measurements of bullet sizes superimposed over an American flag w/ a thin blue line is the kind if thing where if it were a story my editor would say is too on the nose — yet i just walked past it.

submitted 8 days ago • 9 comments

you seen these suburban maniacs cooking at home with surgical gloves on like they're Dr Strangefudge wth

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

Tomorrow night at the David Lynch event at the Crystal Ballroom in Somerville you shall see my video that PROVES that Hannah Montana and Mulholland Dr. are both created by David Lynch!

submitted 9 days ago • 1 comment

Just a sweet affirmation I received from a total stranger. When I turn 70, I want this written on my birthday cake 🥰

submitted 8 days ago • 1 comment

Clowns are born the same way that they get out of cars, and its horrific to watch

submitted 9 days ago • 29 comments

Overheard romance: "Imma q-tip ur tusk sockets."

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

My cousin worked as a casting director in LA during the peak of shitty reality TV. They would purposely only cast folks who were foaming-at-the-mouth insane. Can we hope for the same stringent principles from NYT?

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

Write a post that gets no likes. Repost that post. Get no likes. Repost that repost. Get no likes. Do this one thousand times. Aleister Crowley himself will appear and magic your timeline by posting hog.

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

So I made my D&D crew drink wine directly from the beautiful udders of a man named Giacomo. AITA?

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

"No, no! Of course not THESE home-growns! These are organic." *Karoline indicates the cabbage patch where the Lil'Tates™ are ripening in the sun.

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

Can’t believe I blagged an exclusive interview with Katy Perry!

submitted 11 days ago • 568 comments

I would just like to thank Heather Cox Richardson for pronouncing DOGE as "doggy". It's my daily affirmation. ❤️

submitted 12 days ago • 2 comments

This elder brat is proud of you! Keep it up!

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

“Let my people goth.” - Emoses

submitted 15 days ago • 18 comments

My fav Murder She Wrote crossover episode is when she traveled to 12th century England to attend the wedding of her 37th oldest niece, but the groom was poisoned by an agent of the Empress Matilda. Brother Cadfael catches feelings for Jessica and briefly considers renouncing his orders 😲🫢

submitted 16 days ago • 1 comment

Surprise her in bed by gently caressing the small of her back with a non-fungible token

How are we doing over there at The Times, I wonder…

Doctor: How's your meme health Phone: Pretty terrible but isn't everything pretty terrib- Doctor: Did you just Batman interrupt slap yourself Phone: [toddler runs into the room does uh oh face and runs back out gif]

do you brush your teeth for work or pleasure ?

Nerdy singles in your area are actually not interested in meeting anyone who doesn't already belong to their D&D group.

Guys, the male stripper we hired showed up wearing an ICE uniform and he brought a bunch of American Girl dolls that he pretended to arrest

As little ships go out to sea, spoon thine soup away from thee. -The Art of the Deal, Tony Schwartz

Switching to orc milk. Since the FDA halted testing, it's really the safest option rn. Also orc cottage cheese is naturally clumping

If Grimace were still alive today he would be very disappointed in us

Y'all, let Hegseth have his makeup booth. CoverGirl tawny is the only thing protecting us from his eldritch grease

Dinah Shore: 🎶When I’m takin’ sips from your tasty lips / Seems the honey fairly drips / You’re confection, goodness knows / Honeysuckle Rose🎶 Queen of the Aphids: Let me go and you can have all the honeydew you want from my alimentary canal

There's two options this summer you gotta go peroxide blond or fill your underwear with mango chutney

Betrayal puts on a meat suit

You thought i was gonna let you like that post? Deleted. Too slow. You're gonna have to be faster than that to outpace my post-post regret, slug thumbs

Smaller noses, ladies, let's go! Not a single speck of cartilage. Tiny, reptilian slits. Get those lips puffier! C'mon bigger! Work, you lazy bitches! Now get those boobs horrifically massive. Really push from your core. Door frames need to crack when you walk in a room. We want structural damage!

Everybody's got that one albatross. Thinking of starting a business selling albatross jibbitz. What should I call it?

Once again I’m doing the show where I make soup while people perform (featuring @davidjroth.bsky.social), and once again I have made a dumb video about it. The show is on Wednesday at UCB at 8:30pm.

You can hear the tonsil stones

Never forget that Vaught is busy skittering in the shadows

Drop your good twin Cabinet appointee! I'll go first: Hegseth

you seen these suburban maniacs cooking at home with surgical gloves on like they're Dr Strangefudge wth

Tomorrow night at the David Lynch event at the Crystal Ballroom in Somerville you shall see my video that PROVES that Hannah Montana and Mulholland Dr. are both created by David Lynch!

Just a sweet affirmation I received from a total stranger. When I turn 70, I want this written on my birthday cake 🥰

Clowns are born the same way that they get out of cars, and its horrific to watch

Overheard romance: "Imma q-tip ur tusk sockets."

My cousin worked as a casting director in LA during the peak of shitty reality TV. They would purposely only cast folks who were foaming-at-the-mouth insane. Can we hope for the same stringent principles from NYT?

Write a post that gets no likes. Repost that post. Get no likes. Repost that repost. Get no likes. Do this one thousand times. Aleister Crowley himself will appear and magic your timeline by posting hog.

So I made my D&D crew drink wine directly from the beautiful udders of a man named Giacomo. AITA?

"No, no! Of course not THESE home-growns! These are organic." *Karoline indicates the cabbage patch where the Lil'Tates™ are ripening in the sun.

Can’t believe I blagged an exclusive interview with Katy Perry!

I would just like to thank Heather Cox Richardson for pronouncing DOGE as "doggy". It's my daily affirmation. ❤️

This elder brat is proud of you! Keep it up!

“Let my people goth.” - Emoses

My fav Murder She Wrote crossover episode is when she traveled to 12th century England to attend the wedding of her 37th oldest niece, but the groom was poisoned by an agent of the Empress Matilda. Brother Cadfael catches feelings for Jessica and briefly considers renouncing his orders 😲🫢

Not gonna be able to keep my shit together when my kid has career day and someone introduces their podcaster parents

y'all I'm late for work and I don't know which oligarch to hate the most today!

Hereditary (2018)

Alexa, remove my piss