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authorcortnimarie.bsky.social
I hallucinate and then write it down. Don’t make it weird. Debut vampire Urban Fantasy out NOW! ⚜️Love You Forever⚜️ authorcortnimarie.com
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Every time I say a blue jay is my favorite bird, someone within a 20 ft radius says “god, I hate those birds” and that tells me everything I need to know about them.

Every night we watch an episode of The Great Pottery Throw Down and I’m 95% convinced it’s because my husband likes to see who cries first: me or Keith.

Somehow me and Rick have become the same person.

I keep gaslighting people at work now when they hit me with a “I didn’t really understand the half time show” I reply with “Yeah it was incredible to see a Pulitzer Prize winning artist perform at peak caliber”

Abolishing the Department of Education will further decimate rural schools... And, for what? The Dept of Ed does not write curriculum -- that is done at the local and state level. The funding from the department mostly supports economically disadvantaged school systems. The poorest schools...

Hear me out, what if the plot twist in book three is the orcas develop an intricate system with kelp so they can travel to St. Louis and defeat the rich, bloodthirsty vampires trying to take over the world? No one would see that coming…

Them: what’s your book marketing strategy? Me:

I’m here for the chicken wings which means I’m also here for the Eagles. Logic.

The vibes I’ll be bringing to my @bookshop-org.bsky.social Booklists: (brought to you by the genius of @thestorygraph.com)

You can’t hurt me government, I’m rereading my edited work in progress while also reading a NYT bestseller.

“Why are you crying?” I’m sorry I’m still thinking about The Wild Robot

We have several Mennonites on our road and they have these little signs on their mailboxes with fun little phrases and they change frequently and I respond to the new ones I see as I drive by like “And yet, today!” CUTE prophetic “Christ receives sinful men!” ….okay! “Are you rejecting Jesus?” YES!

I’m about to finish my edits on time which is astounding because I’ve been asleep since January 15th

I saw someone post about watching The Wild Robot and how it made them sob on a plane and I said “Bet” and then proceeded to sob on my couch for an hour and forty minutes straight. AI could never.

International shipping from the Tayto website is €90!!!!!! Guess I’ll never get to experience the craft version of cheese & onion 😭

I’m sure there is a way to market my book better than screaming “IT’S LATE STAGE CAPITALISM MEETS VAMPIRES AND CLASS WARS OKAY” but alas I cannot think of one.

It’s all fun and games until someone gets to the end of a book I’ve written and sends me “!!!!!!” 😅

The vigor in which I’ve been learning Italian instead of doomscrolling is a marker in someone’s psychology dissertation.

I haven’t broken even with my debut novel yet but I have become the source of book recs in my friend group and I think that might be an equal achievement. #booksky

Oh no, I wrote a book about classism and late stage capitalism coming to a head in a violent, befitting way (vampires) and instead of eating the rich, the rich eat us. I thought it was fantasy but it seems more plausible by the day. 🙃

Hi, I’ve only spiraled thrice today. Is the therapy working?

Don’t get me started on microplastics and the medium they become for bacteria to grow on 😬

Not to brag but the 🌶️ scene I wrote in book two is like *chef’s kiss* so congratulations to my characters I guess

This is your permission from me, an indie author still in the red from their debut, to get a free Substack and use it as your newsletter. Are there better newsletter hosts/options? Sure. Do most of them cost money? Also yes. Prioritize your funds as needed. Don’t stress it.

Being an author is real dangerous because one minute I’m driving and the next I’m reconsidering the pace of the scene I just wrote before leaving to get lunch and driving into a mechanic parking lot instead.

Without any other context, animals are fascinatingly intuitive.

The future of humanity will be measured by those who can afford to escape and those who cannot.

Feeling ready to commit to my other newsletter about the trials and tribulations (and hot tips!) of being a self published author…

Recently The Gray Area podcast released an episode about failure. As an author, and an anxiety filled one at that, I hesitated to listen. Like I was tempting fate if I clicked on it, dooming myself to failure. Then I pressed play.

HI 👋 I’m doing an author talk at my local library in March specifically about urban fantasy and I want to know from the READERS in the room what some questions you might have about the genre/writing in general?

I don’t know man, I’m starting to think the holidays are a scam curated by Big Germ Theory, supported by Big Pharma and Big Heathcare.