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beakerfromtwitter.bsky.social
just one man
224 posts 1,657 followers 181 following
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Posts 29 Comments 21

New name unlocked for the dog: MC Goodboy

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Who would win in a fight between a gorilla and Parkinson's

submitted 8 days ago • 1 comment

Is it 'Hasbro's lawyers'

submitted 9 days ago • 2 comments

Just watched The Godfather. I thought it was going to be about my dad's friend.

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

good time to get your novel about a literature professor who keeps having to dodge the advances of his most beautiful students published

submitted 10 days ago • 6 comments

When that guy from The New Radicals shouts WE'LL KICK YOUR ASSES... chills

submitted 11 days ago • 2 comments

Seeing Luis Antonio Tagle test driving one of those cars with the massive bubbles and sprinting to the bookies

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

Man's on that shit that made maui lose his hook

submitted 17 days ago • 0 comments

She prader on my willi till I- (my boss approaches and I expertly switch to the Yahoo Finance tab)

submitted 19 days ago • 0 comments

Yeah I think video game characters should have bigger tits. All of them. Imagine a whopping great pair of spaniels ears bouncing off Rayman's knees.

submitted 22 days ago • 1 comment

(about to deliver some news that nobody on earth gives a shit about) The cat is finally out of the bag!

submitted 23 days ago • 2 comments

How it feels going out to pick up my dog's shits in the morning

submitted 27 days ago • 2 comments

Me, age 12, passenger seat of silver Volvo 240: Here we go, Dad. I'll put on my wu-tang tape. There's a bit of swearing and stuff but I think you'll really like them! 🤓 RZA: 99 CENT BEER DRINKIN, PUSSY STINKIN, FUCKIN SO MUCH YOUR ASS AND TITTIES START SHRINKIN

submitted 30 days ago • 0 comments

Dude you gotta check out the short story that chatGPT wrote. yeah it sucks ass but I actually really liked it, due to my low IQ

submitted 56 days ago • 16 comments

Rapidly prolapsing his asshole in and out

submitted 32 days ago • 3 comments

People say you can't give dogs chocolate but I just gave my neighbour's labrador a kilo of dairy milk and he ate the whole lot

submitted 33 days ago • 0 comments

They say do what you love and you'll never work a day again in your life, and it's true. I started harassing motorists with a cricket bat eight hours a day and haven't had a job since.

submitted 36 days ago • 1 comment

Hey man still got those walls

submitted 39 days ago • 0 comments

The Rolling Stones would be a pretty good name for a band

submitted 40 days ago • 3 comments

"There was so much food there mate you'd think they'd got... bloody... professional caterers in" An incredulous R Kelly

submitted 40 days ago • 0 comments

AI Prompt Engineer is the funniest job title I've seen yet. Good at writing in the search box are ya mate? That's your little job is it?

submitted 42 days ago • 3 comments

AI is incredible. Four years ago we had shitty pictures where you couldn't even tell what they are, and now we have shitty pictures and you CAN tell what they are

submitted 42 days ago • 0 comments

Girls that have a sort of low cunning 😍😍😍

submitted 47 days ago • 0 comments

Going through those classified documents now. Turns out JFK was ASSASSINATED?!

submitted 50 days ago • 2 comments

A Facebook reel plays silently on your phone. I am standing at a urinal. I pull my trousers all the way down to my ankles, turn to the camera, shake my head and wag my finger. A red cross appears on screen.

submitted 52 days ago • 0 comments

A Facebook reel plays silently on your phone. I am standing at a urinal. I pull my trousers all the way down to my ankles, turn to the camera, shake my head and wag my finger. A red cross appears on screen.

submitted 52 days ago • 0 comments

If Paul McCartney dies first, Ringo should immediately announce a new lineup of the Beatles

submitted 61 days ago • 363 comments

The hamburger should be called the hamburgerburglar. Otherwise he's just some asshole who burgles ham.

submitted 58 days ago • 0 comments

Apparently Method Man from Wu Tang is a right stoner

submitted 58 days ago • 2 comments