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I propose swapping the man mistakenly deported to El Salvador with the man mistakenly elected president of the United States

submitted 9 hours ago • 21 comments

All Abrego Garcia needs to do to get out of prison is claim he rioted on Jan 6

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

“He was begging me like a dog, so I said yes.”

submitted 1 day ago • 13 comments

All of Trump's followers who bought stocks on his recommendation yesterday lost money today. This post is for all of you who say I never report good news.

submitted 2 days ago • 12 comments

Trump Signs Order Deporting New York Stock Exchange to El Salvador

submitted 2 days ago • 3 comments

“There’s a human cost here the public needs to know about,” Thomas said.

submitted 2 days ago • 12 comments

Actually the real story today—not the bullshit tariff thing—is that Trump does not have enough Republican votes to get his budget passed in the House. He’s destroyed his air of invincibility and is now officially a lame duck.

submitted 3 days ago • 10 comments

Yesterday, people were saying Trump tanked the markets to sow chaos so he could declare martial law. Today, the same people are saying Trump tanked the markets so he could illicitly profit from the rebound. My theory: that Trump is an enormous moron and coward. It really explains everything.

submitted 3 days ago • 27 comments

BREAKING: Arsonist Puts Out Fire

submitted 3 days ago • 24 comments

The fired staffer used “telltale phrases like ‘due process’” in DOJ memos.

submitted 3 days ago • 11 comments

Elon Musk just called Peter Navarro a moron and I am furious at Peter Navarro for making me agree with Elon Musk

submitted 4 days ago • 19 comments

The price of his go-to beauty product, Shanghai Smokeshow, has quadrupled.

submitted 4 days ago • 4 comments

Trump’s DOJ fired this woman for refusing to let domestic abuser Mel Gibson have a gun. Then they deployed armed US marshals to her home to prevent her from testifying about it. Her teenage son was home alone at the time. Listen to the whole story here: www.borowitzreport.com/p/today-thes...

submitted 5 days ago • 11 comments

“Stocks are crashing because investors are in a bad mood, and the reason they are in a bad mood is because they are not getting enough Omega-3 fatty acids,” he said.

submitted 5 days ago • 49 comments

Last week proved the corporate media wrong—about everything.

submitted 6 days ago • 4 comments

Jesse nails it

submitted 6 days ago • 6 comments

You know how new parents delude themselves into thinking that their babies are saying words when they’re only randomly babbling? That’s how the corporate media covers Trump

submitted 7 days ago • 15 comments

Trump Calls Tariffs His Best Idea Since Drinking Bleach

submitted 7 days ago • 7 comments

A call to action! Please share.

submitted 9 days ago • 7 comments

“He fell apart in Wisconsin like a human Cybertruck.”

submitted 10 days ago • 4 comments

“I want $20 million wired into my account by end of business Wednesday,” the furious South African declared.

submitted 10 days ago • 9 comments

Furious Elon Musk Demands Refund from Wisconsin

submitted 11 days ago • 19 comments

Trump Angrily Demands Canada Replace Wisconsin as 50th State

submitted 11 days ago • 10 comments

For saying “fuck you” to Nazis, I hereby name Wisconsin the Greenland of the Midwest

submitted 11 days ago • 6 comments

I’m fine with Trump being imprisoned forever due to a clerical error

submitted 11 days ago • 7 comments

“My circulatory system has treated me very unfairly,” Trump said.

submitted 11 days ago • 29 comments

Greenlandic law enforcement immediately nabbed the vice president and shipped him to Denmark, where he will stand trial for grand larceny.

submitted 12 days ago • 12 comments

Many favor a constitutional amendment that would permit him to serve several such terms.

submitted 13 days ago • 26 comments

Support Grows for Trump Serving Third Term in Prison

submitted 13 days ago • 8 comments

Pete Hegseth has been bringing his wife to highly sensitive national security meetings. I for one am shocked to hear that he has been spending time with a woman he is married to

submitted 14 days ago • 19 comments

Kristi Noem Under Fire For Displaying $50,000 Worth of Botox at El Salvador Prison

submitted 14 days ago • 28 comments

Vance Caught Trying to Steal All of Greenland’s Minerals in his Parka

submitted 14 days ago • 17 comments

Air Travel Advisory: Avoid flights in and out of Reagan National for as long as the Secretary of Defense is an alcoholic

submitted 15 days ago • 10 comments

“Especially if you own shares in Tesla.”

submitted 15 days ago • 9 comments

Greenland Trip Cut Short After Avalanche Buries JD Vance

submitted 15 days ago • 37 comments

These songs won’t be performed at the Kennedy Center any time soon.

submitted 15 days ago • 6 comments

Majority of Americans Support Replacing Pete Hegseth With Jeffrey Goldberg

submitted 16 days ago • 22 comments

The bombshell threatens to tarnish the image of the nation’s most trusted news organization.

submitted 16 days ago • 12 comments

Elise Stefanik Furious That Her Strenuous Commitment to Evil has Gone Unrewarded

submitted 16 days ago • 27 comments

BREAKING: Trump has withdrawn his nomination of Elise Stefanik as UN ambassador, stating, “I need Elise to focus on destroying this country.”

submitted 16 days ago • 13 comments