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The Far Side, near at hand Account by @cowtools.org
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Bunker Hill, June 17, 1775: An unfortunate twist of fate for one young redcoat, Charles “Bugeyed” Bingham, was not knowing that the opposing American general had just uttered the historic command, “Don’t fire until you see the whites of their eyes.”

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And by a lucky coincidence, Carl had just reached the “m’s.”

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“Somebody better run fetch the sheriff.”

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Some of our more common rescue animals

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“Curses! ... Quick, Igor! Run down to the store and get two size D flashlight batteries!”

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Suddenly, everyone turned and looked—there, standing in the doorway, was one wretched, mean-looking ingrown.

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Columbus discovers America.

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Encroachment of the fish developers

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Testing whether laughter is the best medicine.

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Witch doctor waiting rooms

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“FOCUS! … FOCUS!”

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Scientific meat markets

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“Spiders, scorpions, and insecticides, oh my! … Spiders, scorpions, and insecticides, oh my! …”

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“Yeah. My boss don’t appreciate me either. To him, I’m just a gofer. ‘Igor! Go for brains! … Igor! Go for dead bodies! … Igor! Go for sandwiches!’… I dunno—give me another beer.”

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The Holsteins visit the Grand Canyon.

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“Hey! Look! ... No hands!”

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In Amoebae Park

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Scene from Cape Buffalo Fear

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“Soup of the day is ready!”

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Danny shows off his sheep’s brain.

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“I can’t take this curse any longer! … Every sunrise I change into this hairless, frail little man who couldn’t hurt a fly.”

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The Pillsbury Doughboy meets Frank’s Asphalt and Concrete Paving Service.

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“Gee, whiz … you mean I get a third wish, too?”

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Vending machines of the Serengeti

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“Hold up, Niles. It says here, ‘These little fish have been known to skeletonize a cow in less than two minutes.’... Now there’s a vivid thought!”

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At the Dog Museum

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When potato salad goes bad

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“Leonard painted that and hung it up just this afternoon. … He calls it, It’s My Couch! My Couch! Don’t They Understand?”

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Stumpy didn’t know how he got in this situation, but with the whole town watching, he knew he’d have to play it out.

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“This is it, Maurice! I’ve warned you to keep your hens off me!”

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“Oh my gosh! You know what that is, Mooky? … My dad had one when I was a kid!”

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Tapeworms on vacation

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“Yeah, I just got back! And the wizard I mentioned? He gave me a new brain! ... It’s on the coffee table as we speak!”

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Bowler’s hell

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Lacking a horse, Jed was compelled to just drift along with the tumbling tumbleweed.

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“I’m starting to feel dependent.”

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Disaster befalls Professor Schnabel’s cleaning lady when she mistakes his time machine for a new dryer.

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“Bob and Ruth! Come on in. … Have you met Russell and Bill, our 1.5 children?”

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“Oh, great—it’s some of your relatives, David. … You know, it’s ironic that even we lice have parasites.”

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Einstein discovers that time is actually money.

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“Excuse me, sir, but could your entire family please step out of the car? … Your faces are not in order.”

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Primitive fandango

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“Three wishes? Did I say three wishes? … Shoot! I’ll grant you four wishes.”

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“Now Betty Sue, we know you’re upset ... breaking up with a boyfriend is always hard. But, as they say, there are more protozoa in the lower intestine.”

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“This town ain’t big enough for both of us, Redeye.”

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Bobbing for poodles

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