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The Far Side, near at hand Account by @cowtools.org
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The Holsteins visit the Grand Canyon.

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“Hey! Look! ... No hands!”

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In Amoebae Park

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Scene from Cape Buffalo Fear

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“Soup of the day is ready!”

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Danny shows off his sheep’s brain.

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“I can’t take this curse any longer! … Every sunrise I change into this hairless, frail little man who couldn’t hurt a fly.”

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The Pillsbury Doughboy meets Frank’s Asphalt and Concrete Paving Service.

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“Gee, whiz … you mean I get a third wish, too?”

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Vending machines of the Serengeti

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“Hold up, Niles. It says here, ‘These little fish have been known to skeletonize a cow in less than two minutes.’... Now there’s a vivid thought!”

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At the Dog Museum

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When potato salad goes bad

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“Leonard painted that and hung it up just this afternoon. … He calls it, It’s My Couch! My Couch! Don’t They Understand?”

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Stumpy didn’t know how he got in this situation, but with the whole town watching, he knew he’d have to play it out.

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“This is it, Maurice! I’ve warned you to keep your hens off me!”

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“Oh my gosh! You know what that is, Mooky? … My dad had one when I was a kid!”

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Tapeworms on vacation

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“Yeah, I just got back! And the wizard I mentioned? He gave me a new brain! ... It’s on the coffee table as we speak!”

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Bowler’s hell

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Lacking a horse, Jed was compelled to just drift along with the tumbling tumbleweed.

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“I’m starting to feel dependent.”

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Disaster befalls Professor Schnabel’s cleaning lady when she mistakes his time machine for a new dryer.

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“Bob and Ruth! Come on in. … Have you met Russell and Bill, our 1.5 children?”

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“Oh, great—it’s some of your relatives, David. … You know, it’s ironic that even we lice have parasites.”

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Einstein discovers that time is actually money.

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“Excuse me, sir, but could your entire family please step out of the car? … Your faces are not in order.”

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Primitive fandango

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“Three wishes? Did I say three wishes? … Shoot! I’ll grant you four wishes.”

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“Now Betty Sue, we know you’re upset ... breaking up with a boyfriend is always hard. But, as they say, there are more protozoa in the lower intestine.”

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“This town ain’t big enough for both of us, Redeye.”

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Bobbing for poodles

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“His story? Well, I dunno. … I always assumed he was just a bad dog.”

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Cow joyrides

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“We’re here, Eric! Antarctica! … Bottom of the world!”

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“Aaaaaaaa! … It’s George! He’s taking it with him!”

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Onward they pushed, through the thick, steamy jungle, separately ruing the witch doctor’s parting words: “Before you leave this valley, each of you will be wearing a duck.”

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Runaway trains

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The birth of jazz

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“I’ll just take this, thank you! … And knock off that music!”

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Hannibal’s first attempt

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“Zorak, you idiot! You’ve mixed incompatible species in the earth terrarium!”

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The untold ending to the fable, “The Grasshopper and the Ant.”

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16th-century Mona wanna-bes

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“I’m serious this time, Norton. … Get the theme from Mr. Ed out of your system or I’ll kill you as you sleep!”

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