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briankelley.bsky.social
I’m going to write what I want to on here.
207 posts 338 followers 405 following
Prolific Poster
Posts 49 Comments 1

Censored for hate speech? But I love making speeches! Especially with a tiny mustache on.

submitted 15 days ago • 0 comments

Liberals take valid criticism of Biden without going apesh*t challenge

submitted 17 days ago • 0 comments

When I scroll twitter, I’m gay. When I scroll TikTok, I’m straight. And I just mash the two life experiences together.

submitted 19 days ago • 0 comments

It’s mansplaining when you post about a problem you’re having and I offer one idle solution with absolutely no other pretense. It’s mansplaining. I’m gonna quit my life 🙃

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

Another day of resenting everyone for the lunch they get to eat!

submitted 36 days ago • 0 comments

Having diarrhea is kinda problematic when people think you’re doing brown ass 😭

submitted 82 days ago • 0 comments

I’m sitting with another patient in the hospital currently, we both had IVs. They just wheeled her away and I’m like “Damn, I won’t get to see how that bag ends.”

submitted 83 days ago • 0 comments

Them: Oh yes baby fuck me real good fuck me with that cock. Can you give it to me real good with your hard fucking cock? Me: I will try, but I must say, I am neurodivergent.

submitted 104 days ago • 0 comments

I changed my personality to Gordo from Lizzie McGuire back in high school and let me tell you something: Women are sick of being called Lizzie.

submitted 111 days ago • 0 comments

Nobody seems to support my interventionist policy for bullshit my friends get involved in.

submitted 114 days ago • 1 comment

My brother died at Jonestown. My son is battling multiple sclerosis. And I'm raising money to save my childhood home. He/Him

submitted 116 days ago • 0 comments

Joe Biden was supposed to save us from fascism and he just delivered us right back to it.

submitted 122 days ago • 0 comments

*dates a YouTuber* Yeah, I’m really after the captains of industry.

submitted 123 days ago • 0 comments

When I said I wanted it to be the ‘80s again, I wasn’t talking about having a President completely apathetic about the AIDS crisis!

submitted 124 days ago • 1 comment

Had a dream Tom Hanks donated 11.2 million dollars to a Mr. Beast video at the behest of his kids and now I feel siiiiick.

submitted 125 days ago • 0 comments

It’s okay, I regret talking to me too.

submitted 126 days ago • 0 comments

You miss 100% of the shots your parents don’t buy for you

submitted 127 days ago • 0 comments

I hate it when they say “had $ex with a child.” You had rape, Gary. You had rape.

submitted 129 days ago • 0 comments

I feel strangely disconnected from everybody, like I have no friends. I know I have 300 followers but it’s not the same.

submitted 129 days ago • 0 comments

Censored for hate speech? But I love making speeches! Especially with a tiny mustache on.

submitted 130 days ago • 1 comment

Leave Elon Musk alone. He’s not hateful, he’s just auschtistic.

submitted 134 days ago • 0 comments

MLK was always saying shit like “We must meet equal inequities with unequal equalities!”

submitted 135 days ago • 0 comments

When they let someone into the friend group who has no sense of humor? That’s death

submitted 136 days ago • 0 comments

Y’all out here trying to earn the chef’s kiss, I’m all about the chef butt chug.

submitted 139 days ago • 0 comments

RIP David Lynch, you would’ve loved a tiny robot that walks your dog for you.

submitted 140 days ago • 0 comments

I am asking people to follow me here from other platforms so I now have to post more normie content. Israel is okay???

submitted 140 days ago • 0 comments

I’m my own boss. I hate myself and I mistake it as quiet respect for myself.

submitted 142 days ago • 0 comments

My favorite animal is me when I get it from behind.

submitted 143 days ago • 0 comments

THE SIMPSONS DID IT AGAIN THEY HAD SEX WITH MY WIFE

submitted 143 days ago • 0 comments

Due to precautions mandated by the city of Los Angeles, Brian and Son Oily Rag Emporium will be closed until safe conditions can be fully restored. Sorry, y’all!

submitted 146 days ago • 0 comments

I wish I had a roach’s will to live

submitted 148 days ago • 0 comments

Is the first person born to generation beta called master beta? (COPYRIGHT BRIAN KELLEY 2025 AWKWARD WHITE JOKES INC)

submitted 155 days ago • 0 comments

Oops turns out no more time

submitted 171 days ago • 1 comment

Hot take: both guys were the same in a personal context.

submitted 172 days ago • 0 comments

120 hours left of my soul crushing job! If James Franco can do this, so can I!

submitted 176 days ago • 0 comments

I guess I should start posting more stuff here… goddamnit Elon you’re responsible for this new pressure.

submitted 195 days ago • 0 comments

Only 240 hrs left of my soul-crushing temp job - I can do this!

submitted 197 days ago • 0 comments

Family includes everyone! ❤️

submitted 200 days ago • 801 comments

The price of eggs in Gaza is nearly $80! But that’s under Biden. Trump says Gazans will no longer have to worry about the price of eggs, thank god. 😤

submitted 200 days ago • 0 comments

Does this analogy make sense or…?

submitted 204 days ago • 0 comments

Welcome to all my new followers! As a precautionary measure I will tell you now that I am a supporter of Pol Pot.

submitted 204 days ago • 0 comments

I've seen enough: West Virginia is a really fucked up place.

submitted 210 days ago • 0 comments

I have not posted anything here about the election. Cool!

submitted 210 days ago • 0 comments

If you’re my impudent son, stay in line!! 😡

submitted 212 days ago • 0 comments

submitted 229 days ago • 0 comments

If you’re in New York, and you want to come, hit me up, I can get you in for free.

submitted 256 days ago • 0 comments

I seriously don’t want to go on rn

submitted 286 days ago • 0 comments

You never really learn what you need to until it’s too late to be taught.

submitted 302 days ago • 0 comments

On my way to the event, pretty much threw whatever I had on. No idea what to expect.

submitted 307 days ago • 0 comments