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brockteee.bsky.social
Deep Fried Philosopher, Uncommon Sense Advocate
373 posts 3,836 followers 795 following
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Posts 42 Comments 8

Forgot my umbrella so it's shower time.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

renaming friday to forfuckssakeday

submitted 4 days ago • 2 comments

At this point, do I continue flossing?

submitted 5 days ago • 10 comments

It's a great day to be alive, don't know about dead, not had that experience.

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

A brave little toaster horror movie and the whole movie he's trying to bust in the bathroom when you're getting a shower.

submitted 15 days ago • 0 comments

see a mattress, pick it up, all night long you’ll scratch your junk

submitted 15 days ago • 3 comments

who you are in the replies, that's the real you

submitted 17 days ago • 54 comments

Everyone is gangsta until they accidentally swallow their own spit and choke for a few seconds.

submitted 36 days ago • 9 comments

Spot of tea anyone?

submitted 17 days ago • 0 comments

Get that gym selfie...and also make sure nobody's photo bombing you.

submitted 21 days ago • 0 comments

Did karaoke for the first time last night at 39 years old and I want to apologize to all those whom I've judged in the past.

submitted 25 days ago • 0 comments

Was at my parents house and found this cool energy supplement called blue chew. It tasted terrible, guess we'll see if it works.

submitted 26 days ago • 0 comments

When police pull you over, they make you sit there while they go back to their car and google "how to be nice while sounding mean".

submitted 26 days ago • 0 comments

Another BINGO night with the wife, the curse is back, no win this time...😫

submitted 26 days ago • 0 comments

Found two wood ticks on me this morning, so now I’m periodically stripping at work, asking coworkers to check me and insisting it’s part of a new team-building initiative.

submitted 26 days ago • 31 comments

Why are they called food critics and not ingestigative journalists?

submitted 26 days ago • 9 comments

[arriving at Hell in a handbasket] Satan: Oooh, look at you. Well somebody thinks they’re fancy

submitted 27 days ago • 1 comment

Turns out water before coffee is good for you, but I'll never know for sure.

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

Chilis tortilla chips taste like fried divorce papers.

submitted 28 days ago • 10 comments

"I am not okay, I'm barely hangin on" -Jelly Roll (also my kids when the iPad dies)

submitted 28 days ago • 0 comments

Took the kids to the zoo and they offered to keep them, I was so close to making it happen.

submitted 29 days ago • 0 comments

I reposted you. Please respond.

submitted 34 days ago • 0 comments

Sorry, didn't mean to startle you, I was just testing out my air horn for when I'm overstimulated.

submitted 34 days ago • 0 comments

It's important to ask yourself the tough questions in life, "Should I Stay or Should I Go? What's My Age Again?and Do you believe in Life After Love?

submitted 36 days ago • 1 comment

Beer to liquor you'll never be sicker, liquor to beer, you hit a deer....or something like that.

submitted 36 days ago • 0 comments

Excuse me, miss do you have a permit for all that sass?

submitted 36 days ago • 0 comments

For $100 I'll come over and pretend I'm a Jehovah's Witness, when you have unwanted company at your house.

submitted 76 days ago • 1 comment

It's technically not April Fool's Day because March doesn't end on the 31st.

submitted 77 days ago • 0 comments

People don't come over to borrow a cup of sugar like they used to.

submitted 78 days ago • 0 comments

Everyone: Why are there so many Dollar Generals? DG:

submitted 82 days ago • 0 comments

I just love those mornings when I get to put extra cream in my wife's coffee...

submitted 82 days ago • 0 comments

Thinking about bread

submitted 85 days ago • 0 comments

Bought my wife a hot little sundress already, Daddy was ready 😂 🔥

submitted 85 days ago • 0 comments

"You wanna go where everybody knows your name" except it's not Cheers, it's your local Dollar General.

submitted 113 days ago • 0 comments

It's simple, I need customer service employees to smile if they're not happy and also don't smile too much if they are.

submitted 116 days ago • 0 comments

Be consistent in the gym, like that old dude who shows up everyday to talk to women and pretending to work out in between.

submitted 117 days ago • 0 comments

I bought my wife flowers and chocolates with a gift before 7:30am, just so I can laugh at all the dudes in the store buying wilted flowers at 5pm.

submitted 123 days ago • 0 comments

American feel-good news stories are always like: Touching! 9-Year-Old Boy Sells Handmade Bracelets to Help Pay for Classmate’s Funeral After She Died from Not Being Able to Afford Insulin

submitted 125 days ago • 0 comments

Me trying to sell someone on intermittent fasting, after 12 hours with no food

submitted 125 days ago • 0 comments

I'd have to become Walter White to afford every in-app game purchase my 7-yo asks for.

submitted 126 days ago • 0 comments

Yes, I would like to apply for a loan, as in leave me alone.

submitted 130 days ago • 0 comments

If you see me ordering appetizers, just know my income tax has hit.

submitted 132 days ago • 0 comments