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buddhatree.bsky.social
Fresca Influencer
616 posts 1,328 followers 641 following
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Posts 45 Comments 5

The episode where Joey and Chandler drive Ross out to the desert and leave him there bc he's annoying af.

submitted 13 minutes ago • 0 comments

Considering putting “Lucky to have witnessed Tina Turner’s 80s comeback years” on my resume.

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

Who up Benedicting their eggs.

submitted 2 hours ago • 2 comments

Once I thought I saw the Northern Lights but it was just a massive t-shirt—maybe thousands of miles long—burning up in the earth’s atmosphere, fired from an interstellar t-shirt cannon the origin of which I was neither trained nor equipped to determine.

submitted 13 hours ago • 1 comment

moo deng for pontiff campaign starts now alert the conclave

submitted 13 hours ago • 9 comments

These are my sons, Govert and Sjef.

submitted 14 hours ago • 0 comments

I find your grandmother’s knickknack collection alarmingly lackluster.

submitted 1 day ago • 36 comments

Kicked out of the ufc for having the nickname sippy cup

submitted 15 hours ago • 0 comments

an eye for an eye leaves the whole world yaaaaarrrrgh matey

submitted 14 hours ago • 4 comments

Just burned my jazz hand on the Dutch Oven

submitted 15 hours ago • 1 comment

I’ll decide if I’m using my fridge’s crisper drawer correctly or not.

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

Have to be somewhere at eight am on Saturday morning because people are monsters

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

Me: Son, there once was a time when people thought saying "What's the dealio?" was cool and hip, but it was neither, despite the hit song. And then one day, they just stopped, and the people smiled. Son: And lived happily ever after? Me: Haha, no. Nobody lives happily ever after, son.

submitted 17 hours ago • 0 comments

I’ll see you guys at jai alai practice

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

I’m starting a YouTube channel where I find a random interesting spot on google maps, go there, and hang out with your mom.

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

Neither nirvāṇa nor saṃsāra but a secret third thing* *beer goggles

submitted 20 hours ago • 0 comments

WIFE: This chowder is beautifully creamy, the briney flavours complimented by the celery and onion, with the apple cider rum a perfect accompaniment. CHEF: Thank you. ME: *putting a cocktail sword in a mussel* Look Sharon. A clamurai.

submitted 1 day ago • 15 comments

"The sound of bong water says what I think." - Cheech & Chuang-Tzu

submitted 22 hours ago • 0 comments

Jim Morrison got the line “His brain is squirmin’ like a toad” from a Mad Lib I did with my cousin Terry in 1970.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Ladies love a man that can skip stones

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Baby, let me rummage through your junk drawer, Baby.

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

Need a garden shed sized blueberry muffin that I can eat my way into then lay down for a nice warm, blueberry nap in.

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

[in this tweet, pretend I know Photoshop and that I've taken the movie poster for Top Gun: Maverick and I've put Andy Griffith's head on Tom Cruise's body and the title of the movie now says, "Top Gun: Matlock." And you all say "Haha good one ol' chap." and everyone likes and reposts]

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

I just want to be as optimistic as the rusty motel sign off the old highway that says COLOR TV

submitted 1 day ago • 8 comments

I only want what's best for the squirrels.

submitted 1 day ago • 10 comments

lesbian except for very specific cases such as: - Nosferatu - weird mountain men - men with Roger Rabbit energy - your dad

submitted 2 days ago • 17 comments

Interviewer: So, where do you see yourself in five years? Me: Video game reviewer for High Times. Interviewer: Me: Interviewer: OMGGG! DREAM JOB! Me: I KNOW, RIGHT? Interviewer: TAKE ME WITH YOU! Me: OKAY LET'S FUCKING GOOOO [we execute a perfect high five & chest bump] <FIN>

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Who up flogging their molly

submitted 1 day ago • 19 comments

I drink soap to keep my insides clean

submitted 1 day ago • 5 comments

You know what they say, “drink before dinner, never thinner” or whatever. See I’m on a diet.

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

I too hate it when everyone but me is the problem.

submitted 4 days ago • 1 comment

Who up waltzing their Matilda?

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

Jeff Bezos Spend Some Of Your Billions Of Dollars On Making A Decent Streaming Interface Challenge

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

I don't know who needs to hear this but *sound of a wiffle ball bat mildly bonking someone's head*

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

Your disregard for your health has been noted. That’s why we are bringing back smoking sections to the casino. Prefer even higher stakes? Try our new sushi, straight from the mud flats of the Hoover River.

submitted 3 days ago • 6 comments

I long to be a spiral galaxy, arms of dust and light, drifting in gravitational majesty but mom says I can't

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Uh oh! Looks like your municipal gravy budget didn't get increased 🫵😂

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

Layering a lasagna in the bathtub for some sexy time later

submitted 1 day ago • 7 comments

Don’t you dare tickle my fancy you fucking asshole

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Some of you know nothing about the beloved musicals of Rodgers and Hammerstein and it shows

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

Going to find some obscure Count from the 17th century and start a cult.

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

So my google location service on my phone asked me if I was at Lacy Park and could I answer some questions about the location. And I was like, you want ME to answer questions? Umm, that's like literally YOUR job. Can't you just google it? LOL!! Hey why is there a black helico

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Facebook groups just makes it easier for the government to target you in, wait for it....GROUPS. You won't think it's funny when the Kazoo Group gets sent to the gulag. Well, maybe you will. That is pretty funny. Haha owned! *sad kazoo sound*

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

I once taught a group of cavemen how to open a plastic bag by blowing on the edges and they made me their deity

submitted 2 days ago • 10 comments

My milkshake brings all the peahens to the yard

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment