butteredcracker.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

Prove me Wrong, Officer (please) The mind of your average cop Is full of putrescent slop His sphincter is tight So sure he is right With a forehead vein ready to pop*

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

Superfood The ad told me there's a new diet I'd lose weight and grow tall if I try it! I'd just have to eat Rhinoceros meat And there's a link to where I can buy it!

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Punk is not Punk Rock Donald and Elon fell out Musk tweeted what Trump was about He thought him queen bee But then bent the knee 'Cause he's scared and his mouth has no clout

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

The woman from Albania Had the longest labia When tired and sick Of your lackluster lick, She'd smack you in the crania!

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

ICE, the Gaurd, Marines, what more? What is the escalation for? It's no mystery, It's plain to see They want to start a civil war.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Submit to Cheesus If you want your man on his knees Submissively begging you "please!" You don't need a whip Slung from your hip You just need a board full of cheese!

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

He promised to make them all great Unleashing the power of state Controlling through fear To the white-hooded cheer Bestowing the freedom to hate

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

On Your Knees The woman from Vegas called Dottie Was known to be quite rude and haughty But each Dick and Tom Knew she was a domme And it was all just her way to get naughty

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

Nine to Unalive I think that I’ve been scammed, To this cubicle I am damned- I typed a script That said “I quit!” But of course the printer jammed!

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

One Direction* There is no place to choose a side This fucker is a one-way ride Time to get with it Or get left in the shit And hoist up your flags to celebrate Pride! *Not the band.

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

What does it mean to be free The meaning must surely not be Our lives and our fate Held by wealth and the state Freedom for me, not for thee?

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

She promised to mayo his naise And after, to mirror his glaze She'd thumb his tack And fanny his pack But all of it just for her plays!

submitted 15 days ago • 1 comment

Ham Hock The farmer, deep in his dram, Got hungry and found a large ham Though he had twice sight He got a large bite Of the buttocks of his nephew, Sam!

submitted 16 days ago • 0 comments

Tip Your Bartenders! The man, while abroad on a trip, Went out for a bite and a sip The buxom bartender Got the message he sent her And she received more than the tip!

submitted 17 days ago • 0 comments

When life is giving you awfuls Like dry and bitter falafals* Make life more sweet With crispy grid treat Like crunchy and syrupy waffles! *Falafal is great- just not when it's dry and bitter!

submitted 17 days ago • 0 comments

Double Secret Reprobration Trump said Harvard's compelled To have foreign students expelled We've grown apathetic To tantrums, pathetic As the world is by us, repelled

submitted 21 days ago • 0 comments

Don't Clown Me Head cocked, he said of my frown, "I think that should turn upside down!" I looked from his shoes To his rainbow hair hues, And he honked when I decked that clown!* *Do not hit clowns. They are already sad enough.

submitted 23 days ago • 0 comments

Holy Party Gloria donned thigh-high kickers And went to a friend's tarts and vicars She got Bill to doff His vestments and cloth While she got rid of her knickers!

submitted 25 days ago • 0 comments

Fallen on Hard Timez Rudy was a man of means He wore wool slacks instead of jeans He was quite the snob Until he lost his job And now his meals are mostly beans

submitted 26 days ago • 0 comments

Hadron's Gonna Hadron It's the alchemist mission of old By many a seer, foretold- Now, at long last, With atoms flung fast, CERN has turned lead into gold!

submitted 29 days ago • 0 comments

Tabloid Rage Y'all looking for poop with that sizz! Don't matter none what the facts is, Y'all just can't handle What MIGHT be a scandal But you ought to just mind your own biz!

submitted 29 days ago • 0 comments

Happiness is a Warm ______ A happy dog will wag its tail, A happy horse eats from a bale No need to be coy About things you enjoy, Be happy, friends- go forth and rail!* *Maybe not those in the ace community so much. Unless you're feeling it.

submitted 30 days ago • 0 comments

If you think Trump is playing 4D chess, you're 100% right, you just haven't figured out that he's playing against you.

submitted 31 days ago • 0 comments

Starting Ground Of God, they say, the world is His And I can't say, so maybe 'tis, Whatever is true And whatever we do We'll meet the world just as it is.

submitted 31 days ago • 0 comments

Sweet Date Bobby from Durango* Took Sally out to tango Then to his place Where, with his face, He ate her sloppy mango! *Colorado, not Mexico, otherwise the rhyme doesn't work! -Ed.

submitted 31 days ago • 0 comments

Disobedient By Nature I hear the words you're saying, Hear your preaching, hear your praying Then I hear you Tell me what to do- And I will not be obeying

submitted 32 days ago • 0 comments

Purging for Peace The internet surely will spawn Asshats we all would like gone. Add to your life goals To not feed the trolls- The answer is "block and move on."

submitted 32 days ago • 0 comments

Treat Your Mama Right I don't care about your druther, Be it this, that, or the other, Be somebody cool Or be someone's fool* But take a moment to call your mother! *Apologies to Mr. T. -Ed.

submitted 32 days ago • 0 comments

Awkward FTW There is a time for sighing For wooers who are trying Expressions of love They massively flub That still leads to babies crying

submitted 35 days ago • 0 comments

Buoyancy From the usual fare, this replacement Is an old school bit debasement- Your mom's like a whale And I don't mean her tail But 300 K pounds of displacement!

submitted 36 days ago • 0 comments

Play it Proud Fingers on keys and hammers to strings A reed in a horn, it breathes and it sings Where do you come from, Are we parts or the sum? The answer's a clapper, it strikes and it rings

submitted 37 days ago • 0 comments

Jesus Christ and Donald Trump have one thing in common: Neither were great businessmen.

submitted 37 days ago • 0 comments

Blasting Caps How in the hell did we get here? The humanity we held so dear Is in a back slide And we will collide At the crossroads of violence and fear

submitted 37 days ago • 0 comments

Make America Poor Again On matters that are economic Came his answer, so tragicomic "One thing's for sure, You should all be poor!" And Marie Antoinette went atomic

submitted 37 days ago • 0 comments

Just Last Week I cannot remember the weather It was our last day together You, yellow and grey Me, unable to stay Now, I cannot remember the weather

submitted 38 days ago • 1 comment

Alacaz-ham fisted The banana-handed tan man Corked a forked pork in a magic tin can He took it and shook it It's gone, will you look it! Then his pig did a jig and said "sleight of ham!"

submitted 38 days ago • 0 comments

May 5, 2020 ¿Que celebran este dia? ¿Es independencía? Los no gritan Not this season Tenemos Coronita!

submitted 39 days ago • 0 comments

Bowties and Bells In some ways you'll always be there- A blanket with mats of gray hair A porcelain dish A chewed canvas fish A dip in the back of my chair

submitted 39 days ago • 1 comment

BS has been neglected lately. I lost my cat in April (yes, the bowtied gentleman pictured here) and managing multiple social media platforms can be exhausting in the best of days. Limericks will recommence.

submitted 39 days ago • 4 comments

Tidal Shifts Can you hear the beating drum As it drives us to feel numb? Who's next to vanish For speaking Spanish? Will you accept what we've become?

submitted 58 days ago • 0 comments

Fuck you (edited). Fuck you, you bastard, fuck you. Fuck you, fuck your sycophants, too. Fuck you, fuck your lies Fuck your small, shifty eyes Fuck your up your bloody wazoo!

submitted 63 days ago • 0 comments

Decomposing a Masterpiece If you think my rhymes are shitty: I compose most while shitting Or when shitfaced or in great haste Or all three in one sitting

submitted 63 days ago • 0 comments

Fuck you. Fuck you, you arrogant bastard, fuck you. Fuck you, fuck your sycophants, too. Fuck you in your face Fuck you in your ace Fuck you up your bloody wazoo

submitted 63 days ago • 1 comment