camema.bsky.social
writer every once in a blue moon | he/they | black-am | im a multiple (PF-DID) | 20+ 🔞
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I can hear them screaming again. And I feel old memories. I want to be consoled but I don’t want anyone to touch me.
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Or everything is going the way it should. I thought I could stave off alters remembering things for a couple more years.
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but im getting better. i could feel my body was in pain yesterday, so i... let myself oversleep. maybe thats a start.
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like i dont feel pain, b/c i dont feel my body. i dont feel when im sad, b/c i dont feel my body. I can only feel that I'm not moving the same, and then I go harder because I think I'm just being lazy. comes w the territory
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I need a planner. but also i... dont know. im really bad at listening to my body b/c i dissociate! It's honestly progress I'm even aware my body is telling me to quit pushing it.
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I feel so whole
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Slash in love in general. why do I feel so fluffy and warm today.
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CORNY.
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i could so easily be rude abt her parents tuition thing but im not gonna be out of pocket. im a changed man.
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oh im losing my touch. i had three pieces of little chocos and now im like... "thats too much."
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and everyone around me kept singing like they wanted to exclude and torment me.
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"Men without hearts are so boring." Larxene remains my favorite.
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But I get so scared when their moods shift. I hate being the family therapist, managing their feelings and relationships. I only do it because it's the only way I'll be "safe."
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I know I can't follow them up, and I know that I probably have to let life do it's thing, even if I don't finish school in the way I want to.
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It sucks when women say it too, because I just feel like you should know how it feels to have your feelings disregarded because of your brain chemistry.
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It's misogynistic and dismissive as hell.
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ive been reading more original work on and off of the internet. and books of varying genres (a couple non-fiction). i dont want to be static in my writing, so this was bound to happen anyway.
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stories just arent hitting me these days. unless ik the person or have followed their work for years. i dont read from anyone new on there ðŸ˜
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and the parts that played when we were younger can now be happy we beat the game in full.
At least that one. But I'll do the other ones too. just very. slowly
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happy to say i will finish this with some time to spare b4 i have to go back to doing work stuff
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I almost want to cry. I know I was doing this to 100% but... :')
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AND SORA GETS TO BE ON THE BOOK