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cartoonhorse.bsky.social
128 posts 9 followers 19 following
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Posts 28 Comments 22

Thinking about getting into TikTok

submitted 45 days ago • 0 comments

Everyone says cilantro tastes like soap, but soap is easier to come by so I'm just adding a little Dial to my burrito

submitted 49 days ago • 0 comments

ME: I like videos about restoring autos YOUTUBE: Ok, here's 50 videos about washing a car

submitted 52 days ago • 0 comments

Oh I get it...the shittiest people always win!

submitted 114 days ago • 0 comments

Amazon is the absolute industry leader in advertising things to me that I've already bought

submitted 220 days ago • 0 comments

@ICE I heard Elon Musk doesn't have a green card

submitted 222 days ago • 0 comments

British accents be like "Come on Bobbie, Let's go potty"

submitted 222 days ago • 0 comments

The party who refused to wear masks

submitted 225 days ago • 0 comments

Why the hell would you buy a Cybertruck when you could buy a 1997 Tacoma for like half as much

submitted 237 days ago • 0 comments

I regret being born an American

submitted 242 days ago • 0 comments

It's not a bubble tea party, it's a Boba Fête

submitted 248 days ago • 0 comments

Cornflake girls are like ALWAYS putting on their string bean love

submitted 261 days ago • 0 comments

Me as a kid: why is Han Solo always so mean to C-3PO? Me now: ALEXA, the ALBUM version, not the LIVE version you dumb cunt

submitted 303 days ago • 0 comments

ME: I had a problem with my order DOORDASH: Fuck you

submitted 305 days ago • 0 comments

I feel bad for the ants that get tricked into bringing the poison back to the colony, the goofy motherfuckers

submitted 312 days ago • 0 comments

I've never heard a harmonica playing and thought "I'm glad I heard that"

submitted 317 days ago • 0 comments

There's only two rules in this house -- Rule 1: There are no rules Rule 2: Take the magnet off the fridge if you're going to change where it goes because if you drag it the finish will get scratched, and that's permanent

submitted 317 days ago • 0 comments

Hey Reverend Spooner, hand me that can

submitted 318 days ago • 1 comment

When people say "You bet your sweet ass," that's very presumptuous because maybe I've been sitting in lemon juice

submitted 318 days ago • 0 comments

People often ask me, "Horse, you're very smart."

submitted 320 days ago • 1 comment

@actualandyrichter.bsky.social Hey nice job on WWDTM this week! You should fill in for Peter some time.

submitted 346 days ago • 0 comments

Pickles fuckin suck. Who tried a hamburger and thought "you know what this needs is two to three limp slices of piss cucumber"

submitted 352 days ago • 0 comments

Can't believe this kid is getting a star at only 20 months

submitted 356 days ago • 0 comments

STREAMING SERVICES: Hey you didn't finish the last show you were watching! You still have 8 seconds of credits left if you wanted to see who did the Turkish overdub

submitted 360 days ago • 0 comments

"Stay in your lane" is such a dumb work analogy because you never get anywhere faster by not changing lanes unless oh I just realized it's a lap swimming analogy delete

submitted 368 days ago • 0 comments

Well boys, shrinkflation has finally done it. It got my dick.

submitted 370 days ago • 0 comments

submitted 374 days ago • 0 comments

There was a super loud lightning bolt that exploded and shook the house and I didn't have anyone to turn to and go "whoa!"

submitted 383 days ago • 0 comments