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chandlerreports.bsky.social
I sniff out the story, dodge the lies, and write it straight enough to cut glass. I know how to ask questions that sting like a slap across the face.
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Musk strode into Wisconsin, cheesehead perched like a bad joke. He spent $20 million greasing palms, hired canvassers like a mob boss, and waved million-dollar checks like bait. But the voters smelled something rotten. Turns out, Wisconsin doesn’t take kindly to oligarchs playing democracy.

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(From the Archives) Psycho’s shower scene hits you like a sucker punch in an alleyway. It leaves you gasping for air. Hitchcock doesn’t just show violence; he makes you feel it in your bones. The camera cuts like a blade, Bernard Herrmann’s screeching score is the sound of sanity snapping in two.

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WISCONSIN Crawford stepped into the fight like a dame with nothing to lose, staring down Musk’s millions and Trump’s shadowy plan for an oligarchy. Her win wasn’t just a verdict—it was a slap across the face of big money. The progressives now hold the cards in Wisconsin, ready to deal blows.

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The legal world was split like a cheap suit. Trump’s threats to Big Law firms were a shot across the bow. Some lawyers wanted to stand tall, fight the government tooth and nail. Others preferred cutting deals, keeping the lights on. It was a culture clash, and Trump was the storm that exposed it.

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Curry moved through Memphis’ defense like smoke through a keyhole. His 12 three-pointers were daggers in their side, scoring a cool 52 points. The crowd held its breath as he flirted with Thompson’s record but missed by two. The Warriors walked away winners; Curry walked away just shy of legend.

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HOLLYWOOD Val Kilmer checked out of the scene, leaving behind a reel of shadows and light. His smile was a riddle, his talent a loaded gun—always ready, always dangerous. Hollywood’s streets just got colder, emptier. Farewell, Val, the silver screen won’t shine the same without you.

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Science in America is on the ropes, taking body blows from Trump’s funding cuts. Researchers are plotting escapes. Europe and Canada are gleaming like gold at the end of a crooked rainbow. Three-quarters are ready to pack their pipettes, leaving behind a nation that had turned its back on discovery.

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MOVIES (from the archives) Star Wars. It’s a tough guy flick dressed in space opera threads. Luke Skywalker was green, but he had guts. Han Solo? A smuggler with swagger and a blaster that spoke louder than words. Vader was the kind of villain that made you check your shadow twice. And that broad!!

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WASHINGTON Senator Booker lit a cigarette and stared at the smoke curling like a guilty conscience. “I’ve been imperfect,” he said, voice rough as a cheap rug. “The Party’s made mistakes big enough to let a demagogue waltz in. We all need a long look in the mirror—and maybe a stiff drink.”

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SPORTS The Eagles’ “tush push” was a steamroller, flattening defenses and stacking wins. But envy breeds complaints, and the Packers led the charge to kill it. NFL bigwigs huddled up in Florida but punted on the decision. For now, the “tush push” survives.

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WORLD The tariffs landed like a punch to the gut in a smoky barroom brawl. Europe didn’t flinch. They had their own move ready—a quiet, deliberate counter that would sting where it hurt most.

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OPINION The high-rollers play dirty, their crimes as clear as neon in the rain, but they stroll off scot-free, grinning like cats. It twists your guts, makes you wonder if justice is just another sucker’s game in a town where the dice are always loaded and the fix is always in.

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BUSINESS Gold climbed higher than a hustler’s ambition—$3,145.38 for spot and $3,171.80 for futures by Tuesday morning. Trump’s tariff scheme had investors sweating like gamblers down to their last chip, and gold was the only safe bet left on the table.

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Le Pen’s fall was as loud and messy as a drunk at closing time. Convicted of embezzling EU cash, she found herself barred from office for 5 years. The far-right’s iron lady was now just another grifter caught with her hand in the till, her ambitions crumpled like yesterday’s racing form.

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DETROIT The Chamber laid it out plain as day—tariffs would gut Detroit like a bad deal at poker. Demand would nosedive, and profits? Gone faster than a thief in the night. The workers who built those legendary cars? Left stranded on the side of the road with nothing but broken promises.

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SCIENCE The lab coats had cracked the code: fasting three days a week was no small-time hustle—it was the big score for weight loss. Meanwhile, calorie counters shuffled their numbers like bad poker hands, watching fasters rake in results they couldn’t match.

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BUSINESS Eight weeks of bad news had Target looking like a gambler on a losing streak. It started when they scrapped their DEI program in January, and the hits kept coming. March saw another dip—5.7% down year-over-year. Last week was worse at 7.1%, but averages don’t pay the bills

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WASHINGTON The order came down like a hammer: no more easy fitness tests for women in combat units. The suits called it equality; the grunts called it trouble. Dangerous jobs don’t care about politics, and this move might leave fewer women willing to take the risk.

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HOLLYWOOD CinemaCon smelled of stale coffee and big dreams when Mendes pitched his Beatles epic: four films, one for each legend. McCartney, Lennon, Harrison, Starr—each story weaving into the next. The gamble? Huge. The payoff? Maybe bigger than Strawberry Fields themselves

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SCIENCE The letter hit like a sucker punch—1,900 scientists calling out an SOS. Trump’s science-bashing wasn’t just politics; it was the kind of trouble you don’t walk away from. The National Academies warned of danger, but in this town, warnings were just whispers in the wind.

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SPORTS UConn walked in like they owned the joint. USC, short JuJu Watkins, looked like a busted flush. Paige Bueckers dropped 31 points, her game as sharp as a knife in the dark. This team’s got the grit of a street brawler and the polish of a champion in waiting.

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The room was thick with tension, his words cutting through like a knife through stale bread. “Not joking,” Trump said, eyes cold as steel. The Constitution had rules, but rules could bend—or break. A third term? He liked the sound of it; the rest was just details.

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Like a boxer on the ropes, Tesla’s European sales took a hard hit—down 49% in two months. The EV market was booming, but Tesla was stumbling, its once-sharp punches now wild swings in a fight it was losing.

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Trump was cleaning house, tossing out 34 appointees like yesterday’s trash—10 of them his own hires. Loyalty? That was for suckers. He ran the government like a guy flipping coins in a dark alley, ready to change the game when the odds didn’t suit him.

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The numbers didn’t lie. Canadians were ditching the U.S. like a bad habit—bookings down 70%, airlines trimming flights. Trump’s tariffs and talk of annexation had sparked a maple-leaf rebellion. Patriotism soared, disdain followed. The border wasn’t just a line; it was a wall of frost.

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