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chrisdolancomedy.bsky.social
Writer. Comic. Borderline boomer. Here to make jokes and not much else. Oscar winner Kate Winslet touched me multiple times but never spoke a word to me. True story.
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Posts 26 Comments 24

ICE just raided my piggy bank and took all the Sacagawea coins

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

Starbucks laying off 1,100 corporate employees, with wealthy CEO calling it a Venti staff reduction.

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

Saw a woman in an antidepressant ad playing pickleball. Thought "that'll help snap her out of it".

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

"what else is on?" - Oscar night (this is just me, if it excites you I kinda envy that)

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

"I want to like him, but he isn't traditionally funny.. ....he also isn't non-traditionally funny."

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

When the government mentioned gun control, Charlton Heston famously said "I'll give you my gun when you pry it from my cold, dead hands!" Now RFK Jr wants to rid the USA of ultra processed foods. To him I say: "I'll give you my hot dog when you pry it from my cold, dead hands!!!" #RFKJr

submitted 9 days ago • 1 comment

Her highness Gertie...after King Kong climbing to the top of her scratching tower

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

Bad news: it's the R.F. Kennedy Center now. Good news: my 4-years-in-the-making 'Ivermectin: The Musical' premieres in April! #KennedyCenter

submitted 15 days ago • 0 comments

I already thought inflation was bad, now I'm hearing about young couples paying THOUSANDS of dollars just to FREEZE their eggs!!

submitted 16 days ago • 0 comments

I'll never do the Crip Walk in a Super Bowl Halftime show. But dozens of times I've done the Crepe Walk at brunch. This Has Been Your Two-Days-Late Lousy Super Bowl Joke

submitted 17 days ago • 0 comments

Celebrating the kinda-5-year anniversary of the COVID pandemic. I thought my pandemic rock-bottom was downloading a bingo app. But that wasn't it. Rock bottom was playing the bingo app and losing all my pretend money.

submitted 19 days ago • 0 comments

How I'm watching the game on NFL Network. O's lead the X's big. #SuperBowl

submitted 19 days ago • 0 comments

There are 000s of videos of people dumpster diving & reselling items for a profit. But few, or none, of dumpster divers slicing their hands open or getting jabbed with a dirty needle.

submitted 21 days ago • 0 comments

Looks like I'm good then.

submitted 24 days ago • 0 comments

I'll be rooting for Canada in the Four Nations Tournament. I support Canada! 🍁

submitted 26 days ago • 0 comments

It's great that other regions no longer care for Punxsutawney Phil's forecast and have enlisted their own local meteorologist groundhogs.

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

If Al Bundy was a cat. #catsofBluesky #cat #catpics

submitted 28 days ago • 0 comments

I haven't watched a local or national newscast since November, so I get news from social media. There are a lot of cats and dogs in the news.

submitted 32 days ago • 0 comments

Come Sail Away and kill Terrorists! - Seal Team Styx #puns

submitted 37 days ago • 0 comments

I don't have what it takes to be a Navy⚓ Seal, but I've caulked some tubs🛁 in my day so I'm proud to be one of the Flex Seals. #dadjokes

submitted 37 days ago • 0 comments

Barber shaved the back of my neck.. & before I could stop them slapped some old-timey aftershave on me so now I smell like the Elks Lodge

submitted 37 days ago • 0 comments

Started a new service that calls you with a fake emergency if your Christian Mingle date goes bad. It’s called Christian Bail. No, YOU shut up. #dadjokes

submitted 38 days ago • 0 comments

"Hello. Goodbye." - First-time TikTok user, later today.

submitted 42 days ago • 0 comments

I'm not saying Donald & Melania Trump are morons..but they thought 'Property Brothers' meant they were slaves

submitted 42 days ago • 0 comments

When you post a pic to social media of something like your cat making a goofy face...there is almost ALWAYS that one dick who zooms in and makes a comment about your living space.

submitted 43 days ago • 0 comments

Bought some Mexican craft beer. It's an I-I-IPA. Gotta go.

submitted 45 days ago • 0 comments