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cpttwatbeard.bsky.social
Tech obsessed paramilitary weirdo. Pro LGBT+ Firearms enthusiast Retro Gamer
133 posts 16 followers 14 following
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Posts 41 Comments 9

Sneaking out of Bass Pro Shop with a collapsible fishing pole up my ass seemed like a much better idea when there wasn't a fishing pole in my ass

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

Common sense is like AIDS. Some people are born with it and others need it pounded into them

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

I was gonna ask why they don't make pussy flavored chips then I remembered Salt and Vinegar

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

youtube.com/shorts/Zl4__...

submitted 15 days ago • 0 comments

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Marvel publishes Warhammer comics. Marvel is owned by Disney. That means Slaanesh is a Disney Princess

submitted 16 days ago • 0 comments

It's still child porn if it's drawn.

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The only mercy pedos deserve is a bullet or a hanging

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Don't let society convince you that you can't legally own a flamethrower.

submitted 32 days ago • 0 comments

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Hunting season is almost upon us so just a psa when hunting furries use a small caliber like 9mm or 38 special so you don't ruin the meat which is best cooked in the suit sous vide. As for the brain that is best fresh and thinking, eaten in front of the rest of the pack for the atmosphere.

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Me whenever I see poor people having more kids when they can't even feed the ones they have

submitted 43 days ago • 0 comments

Dear every store I don't want your credit card I don't want your emails I don't want in your membership club I just want to clog your toilet with a mastodonic dump and get the hell out of the toxic environment I caused

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I'm really missing the bus rides to school. I had some of the best conversations there. I wish I could go on 1 more ride on a rainy, gloomy morning and just talk about ghosts or aliens or monsters. I don't get those conversations anymore

submitted 52 days ago • 0 comments

I once ran an experiment on my wife without her knowledge. I would hide packs of Oreos around the apartment and record how long it took her to find them. The longest she took was 3 hours 16 minutes for the pack in the laundry hamper. She found the one behind the fridge in 24 minutes.

submitted 57 days ago • 0 comments

I'm torn between "I need to lose weight" and "Why the hell would I want to live longer?"

submitted 58 days ago • 0 comments

🤣

submitted 59 days ago • 0 comments

30 more pounds to go and I'll fit into this thing again.

submitted 61 days ago • 0 comments

Christmas present to myself. I've been looking for a semi auto 12 gauge. I couldn't resist having my favorite pistol in the pic too.

submitted 62 days ago • 0 comments

Pacifist runs in video games are dumb as hell. I get my fill of not killing things I want dead in my daily life.

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Is there any sound more wretched than children singing?

submitted 65 days ago • 0 comments

Big mood

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

Santa kicks in my door Says "You've been very naughty this year" I see an HP bar I manage to get my gun and put 3 rounds in him Relieved it's over Relief turns to horror when I hear "Ho Ho Ho" Santa stands up. His wounds heal and the bullets clatter on the floor

submitted 69 days ago • 1 comment

You can legally own a flamethrower. Have fun.

submitted 74 days ago • 0 comments

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